look its a blog

Is there anybody out there?

2009-01-02T01:34:00.000-05:00

I know I have been gone a while...much needed time spent on school. Just wondering if talking to myself online is still worth it? What do you think?

The first day of the rest of my life

2008-09-17T22:43:00.002-05:00

Ok well that might be a little mellow dramatic but today I started running and training for the 10K in Boston next year. Rebecca has set me up with a running strategy to get ready in a year and I can't tell you how hard today was. I didn't even know how much my body could hurt from trying to run...ok and I use the word run loosely...very loosely as this was more like jogging or an exaggerated walk. I don't know that Rebecca will want to be seen running or as will now call it jonning with me. I do know that many teenagers were mocking me today, laughing as I did my jonning around the track while they were playing tennis during gym class.

So I will be back out on the track tomorrow, I think I am going to go a little earlier so I don't have to worry about my children screaming at me as I am jonning around the track trying to look like I am not dying and trying not to scream loudly myself. I think one time when I was going around I saw death only a few steps behind me, you think I am kidding, I will attempt to catch him on film next time....although I have been told to bring my cellphone out so if I have a heart attack someone will find me, such confidence people have in my abilities.

Time time where are you going?

2008-09-15T19:17:00.002-05:00

I knew this year was going to be hard. I knew that taking Jacob to school and what not was going to be an addition to my day, but I was not prepared for the amount of driving and time out of my day it would take. I am trying to find creative solutions for getting my school work done all while driving all over God's green earth. I think that if I keep reminding myself that it will all be ok if I just "keep swimming" I will make it. Just keep telling me that so I don't forget. ok? deal!

I am also excited because I am going to starting a program with my SIL, Rebecca, to get ready for a 10K in October 2009. I am totally and completely terrified! I am excited by the prospect of doing something I have never done before but the thought of failure or letting Rebecca down is frightening. She has sent me what I need to do to begin my training and I am starting this week. I think in order to keep me honest and to keep me going; I am going to use this blog as a place to talk about my training and post my progress. I think I will take my picture tomorrow...an honest picture and track not only my weight loss but how well I can keep up with my training program too. Let me know if you have any ideas, I mean any help in this would be great. And if you see Rebecca remind her she has to run WITH ME IN THE 10K!!

Old people and Gravity don't mix

2008-08-28T11:08:00.002-05:00

Not in any way do I find this funny, but my Grandmother has a habit of forgetting how old she is. The woman will be 90 in November and well, she is old. I think someone needs to remind her just a little. Her phone was ringing the other day and she fell and cut the back of her head on her air conditioner. I am not sure how she did it? I mean she had to flip on her back and somehow stretch out across the room because the air conditioner is no where near the phone. I am still not sure how she did it, but she has a TON of staples in her head. I am worried about her, she is forgetting all kinds of things that really should be remember. I just hope that she does not do it again or do something worse. Old people and Gravity don't mix!!

Strangers can be nice

2008-08-26T09:16:00.003-05:00

So I took the kids to Friendly's Ice Cream the other day while everyone else was in Boston setting Josh and Kevin up in their new place. It was a crazy day and I didn't feel like taking the kids downtown when I knew they would take forever to finish the bunkbeds late and dinner would run long, I had no desire to sit with three kids and try and make them happy while all that went on. So we stayed at my house and as a treat I took the kids out for a treat.

So we went out and got all settled. It was a nice meal, the kids were great and we had fun...the kids ate well and really I don't think we had any real issues. After we were done with our meal, everyone got their own ice cream. It was really way too much ice cream for us all, and I got boxes...yes I took the ice cream home, I am cheap...ok maybe not but I really didn't want to throw any of our leftovers away...so when she came back with our boxes I asked about our check. She said we didn't have one, someone in the restaurant had bought our dinner, and they left so I have no idea who they are...sometimes people just amaze me....Thank you who ever you are you definitely made me smile, I was feeling low and that really picked me up for the rest of the day.

Pass on the kindness...go strangers!!!

Keep reminding me I am not a quitter!

2008-08-03T12:27:00.002-05:00

I really want to quit school...I know I know I just started so how could I want to give up so quickly? I am just having a really hard time with one of my professors and it reminds me of why I didn't continue with my last course of study. I guess I am over reacting, but that is why I sit at home in front of the computer and cry...yup cry...

What I wanted to say....

2008-07-25T22:11:00.002-05:00

but I didn't!!!!

Immigration is a subject that brings out some interesting feelings, mostly strong, out of everyone, not a single person in our country can say they do not have an opinion. I have logged in everyday to read people's responses and my mother has always told me if you don't have something nice to say than don't say anything. Unfortunately my grade is based on how I respond to others, and this particular thread has disturbed me, really angered me. I have not said much, but I guess I have to, I am really upset by how some people's ignorance is being shown. I really thought this class was to discuss Ethnic and Social Relations, how this has impacted our country and how we can make changes in the system. I was not expecting that we would be doing nothing more than attempt to uphold the status quo and make ourselves feel better about how we fit into the fabric of America.

I have read all of our text and I am surprised that more people have not yet began to either echo or at least acknowledge the sentiment. There really is white privilege in our country, we really do have a long way to come in order to equalize the status of everyone in our country. The questions that are posed by our professor seem an attempt to get us all to think out of our comfort zone and maybe come to a different conclusion than we used to, learn from our text. But I still see a lot of people simply strengthening their own opinion with out any real data or information to back them up. It seems as though stereotypes are being strengthened and not broken down, our threaded discussions are only proving how not racist we are or how we are not responsible for the way our country is.

I know we are all entitled to our opinion, but in a class like this, in a field such as Social Work, isn't it our job to attempt to be understanding and use the system that is at our disposal to make changes in peoples lives, how can we take those kinds of steps for people if we are blinded by our own bigotry.

I said something much tamer....and way lamer!!! Sometimes censorship is a good thing, just makes me hurt on the inside that I can't let everyone in my class know how I really feel...ugh!

That is why you do it when your young

2008-07-15T22:36:00.002-05:00

I know why you do school when you are young. Because otherwise you are just a mess!! I have been going to school now for over a month and I must say that it is taxing to say the least. I find myself constantly reading, writing or thinking about school...since I am doing this online I seriously feel like they are giving me six times the amount of work...six times, I know you think I am exaggerating but my GOD is there an ass load of reading!!! Joel is insistent that I only read what is necessary but I feel like it is all necessary...I am hoping that I make it through...my kids are trying really hard to be understanding but how do they go from us being together all day to me telling them constantly to be quiet, well I sort of did that before, but now I really do it.

And to make matters even worse I am having a really hard time with class. I am struggling to make sense of some of the people I am supposed to be relating with, they seem to be on just another planet. I am sure that the things posted on my school site are some how protected but if I could share how quickly my class has gone from an attempt to learn from our text and to think critically to a bunch of white people trying to prove they are not racist you would be surprised. I can't even tell you how many of the things these people post that make me cringe...before I even click on their responses I can see the deterioration of conversation. I can see how they are going to somehow get together and collectively tell themselves how not racist they are, all the while spouting nothing but hate...ugh! What am I to do...my biggest problem is that 40% of my grade is based on how I respond to these yahoos! The first two weeks I did nothing but complain and mock them....now I am trying a new tactic instead of mocking them I am trying to turn their stupid responses into something that makes a little bit of sense, well except the blatant racist crap! Please help me, and think good thoughts for me as I am attempting to get my way through these classes.
Some day I will paraphrase content from the class...just so you can see that I am not going crazy, ok I mean I am crazy but this time I am not exaggerating...

Do they ever stop screaming?

2008-06-16T11:48:00.002-05:00

Marx is out of school now, we are going on week number 2, and all I ever hear is SCREAMING! Marx and Lexi fight non stop it seems like...well I mean there are times that they are not screaming, but for some reason it seems like only seconds that they are yelling, or crying or throwing things, or taunting or well I think you get the picture. UGH!!!

I am semi-jobless and I have been trying to get the house in order, I think I have been doing an okay job...I will post some pictures of the new entry to the house; but I am never satisfied with what I have done or what I have. As I putz around the house all I think about is how to make the house better, what can I buy, how can I save enough money to put on the addition...man being at home all the time can drive you bonkers!!!!

Ok dishes are calling my name, away I go!!

IT'S THE FINAL COUNTDOWN!!

2008-06-05T22:29:00.003-05:00

Crap I wish I could have you understand that I singing that right now and Gob is in a cape trying to make a boat disappear or is chewing on a knife... this is the place where you laugh...I will give you a minute to get yourself together...

need more time? I understand...how I miss you Arrested Development...*sigh*

ok now pull yourself together because seriously I am losing my shit here. School starts in a few days! Not for the kids but ME!!! I did it! I enrolled, I got my financial aid together and well away I go!!! I am hella scared! My first major scare is that I got a list of classes in the order and found out that I am enrolled in the wrong class (well not the one they want me in) and I have no books and I don't know how to log into the classes or even when my classes are and how to take an online class....AAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!! I am going to fail aren't I?

Ok now that I am having a panic attack I am off to go breathe into a bag!!! why do you get me all excited like that...you suck!

Growing Old SUX AZZ!!

2008-06-04T14:59:00.002-05:00

So I am not so good at really thinking about myself as old...I mean when we talk about what was popular when I was little that is like fun nostalgia but when it comes right down to it I still feel like I am 19 and I just graduated high school. Now of course I know this isn't true, but my insecurities are still there, my self doubt and loathing is still there and of course i still think that I am "wicked" cool!!! But every once in a while I am rudely reminded that I am IN MY 30's...like the eye doctor who is never afraid to tell me that my progressive lens are common as you get older...or when I spoke with my fertility doctor's assistant who ever so kindly informed me that my "thyroid antibodies" (whatever the hell they are) should be at or below 10 and mine are at 410...yeah I guess that is not so good. So what does all this mean? Well it means that I can't see close, I can't see far and should be wearing glasses all the time (but I always forget) and that for the rest of my life I will be on Synthyroid to adjust my thyroid! UGH! Before you know it I will have weird hairs growing out of strange spots on my body, I will fart when I walk up stairs and I will have nothing better to talk about except my scars and weird body shit!!! Scientist say that in the not too distant future we could all live until we are well into our 100's but if it is going to be like this; medical nonsense and such a sense of loss....well I don't want it....life is about living not anything else!! ok maybe other stuff, but didn't that sound powerful ;)

They say it happens in 3s

2008-06-02T09:10:00.003-05:00

So in the middle of my last post I had a minor emergency...Memorial Day my dog Santana had a seizure under the dining room table, fairly long one, and frightening because it happened in front of the kids. We cleaned him up and marked it on the calendar; we are charting his seizures to check his epilepsy. Then in the morning Santana was sleeping under the woodstove (no it wasn't on but he still tries to go back there even when it is flaming hot) and he had another one. This time it was longer and more intense than his first one the night before;yet again I cleaned him up but this time I put him in his cage so he would be more comfortable and relaxed, that is his space. He seriously slept for 4 hours straight, he cried in his sleep (boo hoo!) and drank a ton of water but never really tried to get out of his cage. Around 1pm he did it again...another seizure, and this one was HUGE somehow bigger than the other two...and he was wedged back in his cage so I couldn't even get to him. The poor dog, when he has seizures Joel and I like to grab a towel wrap it around him, hug him tight and talk softly and calmly into his ear...the towel helps to contain the mess if he pees everywhere, the talking sometime seems to help when he comes out of the episode and hugging him prevents him from hurting his head and legs too badly...but with his last two I just couldn't get to him because of where he was. Three seizures in one day is not good...his poor little brain, his legs have gone lame from these things, and he becomes very sad.

So what is the end result...well he is on meds for the rest of his life to help him, he will still have seizures but the meds will help them be less severe. I only hope that they don't get so bad that we have to put him down or that he does some kind of damage to himself while the kids are around, Marx is so freaked out about him possibly having another seizure in front of him. Yeah me too buddy, me too.

I did make something I swear!!

2008-05-27T12:38:00.002-05:00

So I put a challenge to myself that I would do some sort of scrap/crafty thing and have it posted by Tuesday...well I did it, I just never posted it. I am hoping that I will get a bunch of things done tomorrow I am trying to go to a crop with a friend. I have never been over to this woman's house before but we shall see. I am excited! Well we are in the middle of a crisis so I will leave with this picture and tell you what is going on later.

what do you think? would you put this up anywhere or like it as a gift?

list

2008-05-19T13:14:00.002-05:00

marx and his music @ 2...crazy mix....foo fighters, white stripe, seaseme street, they might be giants, the beetles, police and let us not forget queen...

Marx-isms: feelious, buddy = diaper, samalich, gegus, moly-moly....I know there are more, how quickly I forget :(

our trip to Seattle...dear god that was so long ago and I still haven't made the book I want to...get up off your arse Kathy!!!

scrap-o-dex: work on the one for my father in law and the one for my mother....those are tiny why can't I get those done....

Mr. Hip-Marx's favorite car/train toy...named him all by himself and was the first toy he didn't name after himself...too cute!!

our princess: always posing for the camera and sticking out her bootie!!

see so much inspiration yet where are my pages.....Like I said I will have one done by Tuesday night....crap that is tomorrow..

Sad :(

2008-05-17T21:19:00.002-05:00

So the CK Convention was here this weekend. I was really excited about going, but alas I was unable to. I am really kinda bummed about it. I wanted to spend time with my family and do some of the things that I promised to do with other people AND go to the convention, but it was just too much. So I decided not to go....maybe I will sign up for some classes at one of the local stores. I was really looking forward to that the most and I saw that some of the stores and what not had fantastic make and takes...which I love!!!

I just need to deal with it...I can't fit everything I want to in a day so some thing has got to give and this time it just happened to be what I wanted...next time I am there and no one and nothing will be able to keep me away!!! That is right CK Convention look out for next year!!!

When did they get to be so damn funny!!

2008-05-16T23:12:00.002-05:00

Picture this....we are in the van driving home from Marx's school and we stop to get him a bagel. I am driving and he is in the back with Jacob....

Marx: Mom can I have the whole thing?
Me: No, this is only to tide you over because lunch is going to be a little late today.

5 minutes pass....

Marx: Mom?
Me: yes!!
Marx: Mom why is this bagel going to tie me up?

no friends...I did not make that up!!! I couldn't even if I tried!!

And then there is Lexi...who has a new favorite song...

Song title: Birthday Macaroni Penguin Song

Lyrics: I love my mommy...I love my mommy...mommy mommy mommy...I love my mommy

Lexi: ok now clap for me...mommy I said clap for me!!

Sometimes I wish I had a video camera to capture it all..I know I am going to forget so much. I really need to spend more time with my scrapbooking to try and document all the things that I think now I will never for get....

thought...next post...things I want to remember
goal before that post...scrap at least one from the list
due date...Tuesday May 20th midnight!!!
CHALLENGE!!

Photos photos and more photos

2008-05-14T13:27:00.002-05:00

This is upstate NY part of our visit to the fam....it was very cool and Joel let us stop where ever we wanted to take pictures or see some animals...it was nice, thanks honey!

Kevin's new place in Boston, I will take more when we go to see him this weekend and finish giving him all his stuff...go Kev way to start your life....

Mother's Day Tea 2008

Two of the best photos I have ever taken of my gorgeous husband...I love you Joel!

Man have I been gone a while

2008-05-10T08:31:00.002-05:00

Life has been moving mega fast...I don't know how anything ever got accomplished with all the mad things I have to get done. I haven't officially started my new job but I feel like the current position I have is way time comsuming. What position do I have, well I am now a house painter, laundry service, maid, bath monitor, dog handler, cook, dishwasher and general contractor. Okay, fine I have been a stay at home mom...but I seem to be taking on more projects now that I am home all the time. I will post a picture of my completed entry way, I painted and decorated it. I am in love with it...but I have finally accepted that I am no good at painting with red and I think I am going to hire someone next time I want it done. I just am not up for the stress (1 coat of primer and 4 coats of red..YUCK).

So my kids are seriously about the most rick-dick-ulous things ever. Lexi has made up a new song "Birthday Macaroni Penguin song" it sounds like this..."I love my mommy, my mommy. I love my mommy, my mommy" yup I know cute....Although I don't know if I like being called a blubbery fish eating fat maker...but the lyrics are cute!

We just shaved Marx's head again for his annual haircut...Joel keeps saying he looks like trouble. I must agree, he looks like he belongs in a street gang...definitely a thug.

Well this is mother's day and I have mad things to get done....graduations, lunches, dressing for work....no sleep is just sucky. I will post a gang of photos next time....see what is going on in our world view GIANT photos.

I have a job!!

2008-04-25T13:31:00.002-05:00

I was beginning to get nervous that I wouldn't come up with anything. I know that it is not extremely steady, but if I can cut out the extra spending and really do things around the house to save money and be productive and flourish at school than this is going to be great!!! I am really excited about this new chapter in my life. You can be assured that I will be very freaked out when it comes to bills forever, but I am hoping that I can remained focused on the goal and make it happen...

You should see my house. I never keep a clean house. I always have some kind of excuse as to why I can't get it done. Well now I have been crazy productive...putting things where they belong, decorating, painting, unpacking boxes and well actually finding time to do everything that I have always wanted to complete. Look at me almost a real housewife.

The future is looking bright!!

2008-04-15T11:35:00.002-05:00

Well I finished filling out my application for school and I am going to drop it off tomorrow...YEAH ME!!! I am super excited, I am going to start off slow by taking a refresher college writing class and then jump right in. I will keep you updated!!!

And I have gone from no job to almost six!!! I am doing mystery shopping...I have my first four assignments as well as an interview on Friday for an on call bartender position and I am up for a week long promotion for TDBank North and I will make just under $1000..wish me luck and I will let you know how all these other jobs go....

wow life you are nuts!!!!! THANKS!

Jobless and feeling fine

2008-04-12T17:42:00.002-05:00

Well I am jobless. It is official. I haven't been without a job really since I was 16 years old. Even when we moved here I had a job almost right away, now I was really worried about it at the beginning of the week, but now I have come to terms with it and I am feeling excited. I am feeling a lot of hope and anticipation at what is about to happen.

Tomorrow I am going to go to Franklin Pierce and get myself registered for school. I know me finally finish something...yeah I am pumped. I know what I want to do with myself and I am going to make it happen. There is no reason why I should be in the position of having jobs where people think that it is OK to scream and curse at me...it is not and I am worth more than that. I almost want to go and thank my former manager for putting me out there and for making me step up and not be bogged down in the immediateness of my life. So I have a few jobs lined up for me to make some money...but mostly I am going to go back to school...we shall see how this goes. Wish me luck...I haven't been in school in a really long time, I am thinking that I will retake my writing class since most of my classes will be online, and I REALLY want to succeed...I am already partially set up for success, see...I already look studious and smart! Here I come degree!!!

Spring....it is coming!!!

2008-04-04T12:02:00.002-05:00

I am so excited, spring is coming. Our weather is so wacky...yesterday it was 60 degrees, today it has been snowy and rainy...but over the next few days it is supposed to heat up and stay mild. I am looking forward to sending our kids out into the backyard. And frankly the kids are ready too, we have to clean up all the dog poop back there and Joel has one section of fence to fix and then...everyone can go out there...the kids have new rain boots, they have there coats and I say bring on the mud. We will all be much happier.

An update on my grandma...well she has been quite the trooper in all this. She has been thru radiation, steroids, iron treatments and all kinds of tests that I don't even know how to spell. Apparently she has several tumors all of her body...they look like they are remnants of the breast cancer that she had about 20 years ago. They have now found some tumors on her kidneys, we have decided that we are not going to put her thru any invasive treatments..so right now they are treating her like she has cancer and making her comfortable and we will just enjoy her while her while we have her.

Me...well I am seriously thinking about a new job. I am thinking about going somewhere were I can make more money and actually get back into school. Everyday I go to my job it makes me realize that this is not where I want to be for forever. Perhaps if I did this for fun and we were incredibly wealthy and my boss wasn't crazy and his next in charge didn't keep trying to make me look like I am retarded, then I might be happier. But then again who wants to settle, I actually want to do something with myself once the kids are grown enough to not need me every second of the day...that day will arrive sooner than I think and if I keep on going being complacent in my day to day well you know what will happen...I will always be where I am with the same old complaints that no one really would want to hear about anymore (oh wait do you even want to hear about it now? wait who are you anyway! ;) )

Well pretty soon I will be one year older...I will keep you posted on the breakdown that will ensue and our adventures in having number 3 (yup want one more)....hey again thanks for dropping by my kinda crazy....

St. Patrick's day and other such stuff...

2008-03-19T21:33:00.002-05:00

Man oh man, this month has been insane. I feel like I have been moving faster then ever but not really getting anywhere.

St. Patricks day was nice, even though I worked; a few days prior I brought the kids to see GG and we had dinner with her group, there were even Irish step dancers. The kids loved it and my grandma was in heaven having us all there and getting to show us off to everyone.

Sadly, only a few days later we found out that what has been going on with Grandma is much worse than we expected. The doctors had us admit her right away into the hospital and she has been unable to leave. She is undergoing major radiation treatment, iron treatments (apparently she has NO IRON in her body), steroids and has been having all kinds of crazy tests run. So what does all this mean, well it means that my Grandmother is dying and well she is going quicker than we thought she would. I am not really sure what I should be doing...I am just trying to enjoy my time with her, and soak up as much grandma as I can. I am trying to figure out how to talk to the kids about it especially since they know something is up, they just don't understand. I am not sure how to go about it.

Maybe tomorrow I will try to post some pictures that I have taken and try to reflect on the past few days and our future.

Stop Mama...You too silly!

2008-03-18T08:15:00.002-05:00

Everyday I drive around like a mad man; dropping kids off, picking them up, running errands and just general mayhem of a day. I try to make it as fun as I can for the kids, I know it can be boring since all we do is spend a lot of time sitting. Everyday we try to have dance time in the car...I turn up some song really loud and I ask the kids to show me there best moves..the kids love it, they jump around in their seats and encourage each other when one of them doesn't feel up to it. And it brightens up even the toughest morning...except when I dance...now Lexi just yells at me "no mama no, stop mama...you too silly"

So it is official I already embarrass my daughter, wow only 2 years, I thought for sure it would take longer than that! Mom you must be pleased, now we are both embarrassing.

Time is finally slowing down...

2008-03-12T21:30:00.002-05:00

For the past few weeks we have just been go go go! I mean, you should see the giant piles of laundry all over my house. I have barely been able to get enough sleep to struggle thru the day. We have go to PA, VT and had house guests for a week....all while I have been working 4 or 5 super long days!!!

Well now that things are slowing down I can say that there are times when you seriously are just going thru the motions of life. And I can say that has been the case with me, I keep telling myself that I will catch up with life one day, I will call people-one day, I will do the bills-one day, I will look at my pictures, my blog etc...one day...well everything has piled up. Yesterday I spent two hours going over the bills and making sure all the on-line stuff was together and just going thru the junk that seems to come to our house by the pound lately. It was gratifying, I was pleased to see it all done...but now I am off the next project and that is scary...tomorrow will be house work day..all day.

I think that my reward for all this work will be three cards that I need to get done...I am going to use the creative time as my motivation...that and the terminix appt that I made for a few weeks from now...I may even go so far as to paint my dining room with the paint that I have now for almost a year, heck Joel just put up the light fixture we bought well over a year ago, so I guess I should get one project ahead of him or he might never do anything else for me. Maybe I will post pictures of what I accomplish...go me!!

Winter Winter GO AWAY!!!

2008-02-21T14:25:00.003-05:00

I am getting so sick of the winter here. I am having a hard time caring about anything other than my need for sunshine. We have been here for almost 8 years and I think that the weather has finally gotten to me. I am trying to stay chipper, but when all you see for 6 or 7 months is snow and it is literally a month before your children can go outside, well everyone gets a little stir crazy. And of course sick. We have all been SUPER sick this year. Every time we turn around one of us or all of us are ill. We can't seem to shake these colds, coughs, sneezes and wheezes. UGGHHH!!

I must say in all this I am excited that next week we are going to go to Smuggler's Notch in Vermont and I am going to take a cross country ski lesson. I have never done it before and it sounds way more interesting to me than down hill, which I have done before and I am terrible at. I think that a few hours in the woods, quietly by myself enjoying nature are what I need to end winter with. I really want this winter to end, but I don't want to leave it with animosity especially since we are going to be here for a few more years.

And since this winter has been so hard, I am really looking forward to spring and summer to hike, fish or just be outside. I am thinking this summer I will take the kids to the track @ the local high school and walk the track while the kids ride their bikes. Last year I always found an excuse not to, but I have got to get out of the house. I also hope that I can lose weight along the way...we shall see.

ok...I will stop whining and leave this final thought with you...we have already gotten over 86 inches of snow so far and we are expected to get about 10"-12" more...I can't even tell you how much that sucks....go Winter!

No spend February?

2008-02-13T12:14:00.002-05:00

Well I decided that this month I would try to do a no spend February. And I know you are wondering how I have been doing. Well I can tell you that I have spent in my no spend month...I am really excited that I have done so well...I broke down and bought 1 capp. from Dunkin Donuts, 1 bagel, and when I returned a birthday gift for Lexi what I bought cost a little more; $12.51 more. So I think that is pretty good.

I think that next month I am going to cut out extra food...I still get something to eat at work, I am just too hungry not to. But if I can pack a lunch then maybe that will help...so I am going to challenge myself to that in March. I am amazed at what I have saved so far this month...if you think about it, I would spend $6 or more EVERYDAY on coffee and breakfast stuff, and now I am not...so by the end of the month I will have saved...about $168..that is amazing JUST IN COFFEE!! I didn't even realize that I was spending that much on it. And I have been making coffee here and well I have been really happy with the results and I have even decided to make myself some specialty coffees. I am going to continue to do that part in March too, I can't wait to see how much that will save.

Well I guess I better go and feed my kids before they start eating each other.

What do you call a bad day?

2008-02-11T14:02:00.001-05:00

Do you call a bad day when nothing seems to go your way? yeah that is what I would usually say. But after yesterday i am going to have revise my statement.

I spent more time yesterday on the phone with the 911 dispatcher than with anyone else. No you didn't read that wrong...I should say that my bad day started on Saturday when my crazy side reared its ugly head and well I went a little nuts at work. I was not myself and was rude to people I should not have been because I was not able to take it out of the person I wanted to. After work I went out with a friend to have a drink at a local bar and talk trash and spend some time out for her birthday. I only had 4 drinks (I ordered a fifth but never finished it.) and they were not even doubles or as far as I know supposed to be super strong. But let me tell you, by 3am when my husband was holding back my hair and from what I hear I was very sick...I can tell you that Sunday did not improve from there. Joel was wondering why I reacted the way I did to the drinks, I can usually drink more than that in my sleep and frankly I am wondering too, I am still not feeling 100% and it has been 2 days. Anyway I slept or rather laid in bed ALL DAY, seriously until like 3pm. I just couldn't get up and not feel like I was going to die!!!

I finally dragged myself up and out of the house and we went to the mall, check out tvs, let the kids play in the tubes and get some grub. I think we were there for about 2 hours and on our way out snow came from no where and was blowing around like crazy! It was white out conditions, which seemed to pass pretty quickly so we decided to continue on our way to Target (I needed to pick up diapers and stuff). On our way onto the highway a kid blew past us going way too fast for the weather; still snowy and blustery, and next thing we know his headlights are headed straight for us, luckly Joel was able to swerve out of the way but one of the cars behind us was not so lucky and smacked right into dude. We immediately stopped and Joel jumped out to help, we stayed until the cops came and told him he could go.

I think we made it about 500 yards and a woman had spun out in front of us, again we stopped to help and there was an accident behind us. We continued on seriously about another 500 yards and going in the opposite direction we see two SUVs collide and one flips up in the air and lands on it side. SO yet again we slam on our brakes, Joel runs across the highway to help. I have to drive around to pick him up in the midst of all the mayhem and we decide to drive to a different Target and to stop by work to tell them that I won't be going out again in the shitty weather; on our way we pass 7 more accidents.

So if you are counting that is 10 accidents in less than a one mile strip of road the worst was a 10/15 car pile up....man oh man. I called 911 three times yesterday....and I think that I spoke to the same dispatch person each time, the last time I called he verified my number twice, like maybe he thought I was nuts. He was right I am nuts, but not about the calls. I am so glad today is sun shiny weather and I have no where to be, well work later, but for now I can relax.

So I am off to nap and hope that I don't have to call my 911 friend again; wish me luck!

DID YOU SEE IT!!!

2008-02-04T17:07:00.000-05:00

I mean did you see the Patriots LOSE!!! I screamed so loud, I jumped up and down and I think that I even peed a little bit....I can not even tell you how happy I am....EAT THAT PATS NATION!! Now how smug are you with your 18-ONE record!!! Man oh Man was I one excited lady last night...and to see all the silly fans today all sad and what not it was AWESOME. I know I know not my finest hour...but if you lived here you would understand.

oh week where have you gone?

2008-02-02T22:25:00.000-05:00

In typical me fashion, I have not finished yet another project. I was going to take photos all week and what happened...come Thursday and lots of work, I stopped. I have worked non stop and for some reason when I do that well everything else falls away; kids, house, and me. I can't wait to get my stuff under control..ie school, my future, my finances. Seems like there is always something. Maybe I will try again, next week.

Late Tuesday...and a Wednesday

2008-01-30T13:31:00.000-05:00

Well as usually I am late with my stuff, but I have taken my pictures. I have gotten some neat shots and have decided that I need to get set up with my CatureNX program and do some minor adjustments to my photos, as they are good, but with some tweaking I think they could be better. So I am going to try and find my trail versions (I have two ;) ) and set them up and see what I can do.

But before then once I find my cable I will down load my Tuesday and Wednesday photos... yeah for me.
I am not sure why the photos look crazy but if you click on them it will take you to flickr. these are in crazy order and they look all shakey...I don't know why...

a monday less ordinary

2008-01-28T23:58:00.001-05:00

I can tell you what I did learn today...watch out for your ISO. Too high too grainy...watch your white balance. onto tomorrow.

The inner struggle and it's outcome.

2008-01-28T15:49:00.000-05:00

I am often struggling with my desire to be creative, have fun and accomplish everything else (cleaning, sleep, time with kids, time with husband, SLEEP). And I have been doing well with my New Years resolution of being more realistic with expectations of myself and have found that it has lifted a burden off of my shoulders, so much so that I have been really inspired. I have almost finished my last page in the circle journal I owe Joy and I am super happy with it. That feeling is something very new for me, I always feel like my efforts are less than fantastic, and just with this little proclamation I have become secure enough with my efforts to actually be pleased. I have a few pieces left to glue down but as soon as I am done I will post pictures. I am so excited about it, probably the only thing I have made that I am proud of to give to Joy to keep.

I have also decided that I am going to keep the camera with me all the time. I am disappointed in myself for losing the larger card and I plan to invest in another one and I am disappointed that I have had this great camera and still don't take the best pictures. But I am going to challenge myself to a week that I will call "A not so-ordinary week", I am going to try to take pictures of all my everyday activities and sights but in a different way. Try to look at my life with a slightly different view and see what happens. I will post my pictures everyday, hopefully I will not only gain a bit more ability with the camera, but I will have a bit more appreciation for what has become mundane in my life. I am going to start today...yeah for Monday, although my picture posting will be late...since I have to work. Let's see how I do, and please tell me what you think.

Party success

2008-01-26T01:15:00.000-05:00

This was one of the first parties that Joel and I were almost ready for. We are getting there. Of course there was the throwing of things into the back room so that no one can see what a bunch of crap we really own (Kate you promised you would never tell). But basically Joel had most of the cooking under control, I had the place pretty well picked up and my mom had to help me with some vacuuming and got the kids to help her clean up their room. Marx proclaimed his bathroom so clean that he might just have to start flushing. See I told you we are onto something.

It was nice to have family around, but as usual sad to see them go. I am a very lucky woman to have her mother and in-laws get along so well. Relaxing, laughing, and just being near each other is something that you take for granted when you live too close to relatives. So before everyone began to drive each other crazy we got to have some fun, here are some of the beautiful highlights.
demure...not something I have ever been called, but she tries to pull it off.

so pretty, man am I in trouble.

Danika, showing off her new earrings she got that day. And loving Papa.

my little 50's girls, they totally look like vintage dolls or something, or maybe you can see a glimpse of them a little older. Lord help me.

Martin Luther King, Jr & Rosa Parks

2008-01-23T17:41:00.000-05:00

Marx: I want to sit in the front seat.
Me: No Marx, Jacob needs to sit up here so I can help him with his seat belt.
Marx: No I want to sit up here..please (insert crying)
Me:Just get in the back and we can talk later, we are late (here is where I throw him in the back of the van)

Later I picked him up @ his aunt's house

he gets in the car and says
Marx: I am sitting up here, Daddy says that I can and so I am
Me: Fine. But we need to make sure that Jacob sits up here when we go to school
Marx: You know Martin Luther King changed the laws and now people can sit anywhere on the bus that they want.

Later on in the drive home...
Marx: you know Rosa Parks had a rough day and sat at the front of the bus. And when people came on the bus they yelled at her and told her to move to the back. And she said No I am sitting right here. And that is what I am going to do, I am going to sit here in the van.

Yup...that would be my son.

How much is really a savings?

2008-01-16T15:28:00.001-05:00

I have a problem...see Target is always telling me that I should just take their stuff for free. Ok for almost free...so here is the list of things that I have purchased lately. I am going to list what retail was (what they originally wanted for it) and then what I paid. I can tell you I am afraid, and strangely excited all at once. Please don't be alarmed, some of these items are for my newly claimed gift box...I hate finding out about a party and then running out to get a gift 10 mins before and always spending way too much and some are for my children when they get larger (I hate buying clothes in season)...so here goes...

First is the description, second is retail price and last is what I paid

KoolToyz truck filled w/cars $20 $5
KoolToyz 15pc Fairy playset $10 $2.50
KoolToyz 15pc Mermaid playset $10 $2.50
KoolToyz 15pc Knight Castle playset $10 $2.50
Frisher-Price little mommy doll travel set $12.99 $6.48
Dora Musical Sea Carriage $19.89 $3.48
Mattel Supercharged Red (from Cars) $19.89 $6.68
Dora Styling Sea Throne $14.99 $3.74
V. Flash Cars game $29.99 $7.48
Champion Duo Dry red hoodie $19.99 $4.98
Champion Duo Dry black shirt $14.99 $3.74
Cherokee hounds tooth fur trim Coat $24.99 $6.24
Impressions glove $15.99 $7.98
Slogan long sleeved shirt $6.99 $1.74
Haines sweat pants $3.99 $0.98
Cherokee 3pc pjs $12.99 $3.24
Cherokee long sleeve shirt $5.99 $1.48
Genuine Kids Brown suede boots $14.99 $3.74
Genuine Kids Pink cowboy boots $14.99 $3.74
Cherokee black lace tank $6.99 $1.74
Circo gray stretch pants $3.77 $0.94
Cherokee heart embroidered jeans $12.99 $3.24
Circo pink puffy winter coat $16.99 $4.24
Gold Charger plate $9.99 $2.48
Gold Charger plate $9.99 $2.48
Silver serving tray $9.99 $2.48
long sleeved glitter tee $5.99 $1.48
long sleeved glitter tee $5.99 $1.48
long sleeved glitter tee $5.99 $1.48

okay now for the totals: retail $374.33 what I paid $100.26

saved $274.07

I averaged 73% savings.....man oh man....why does target do this to me. So in honor of my crazy savings...I am going to try a no spend February. I am going to sit down with Joel and figure out what are necessary expenses and that is all I am going to do...I am going to give myself only a few dollars for fun, as I don't get to do it much anyway...so a few dollars will be fine. Wish me luck.

So was that insane? I mean I feel like I got mad savings...am I wrong? Do I really want to know? Would you do the same? let me know.

all this stuff to get done...

2008-01-15T15:25:00.001-05:00

So my resolution this year is to be happy with what I can accomplish and to try to be realistic about what I really can do. I can tell you this really hard, especially since it is just my nature to try and do EVERYTHING. I have abandoned all hope of having my dining room painted and every room picked up and sorted so I can do a grand tour for the few people who have never been here before. So I have settled and okay'd it with myself to get the laundry washed and out of the way; I hope to have this done tonight. I have decided that once that is done, everything else can just be hidden from view and then I will do some cleaning, it has always felt like cheating to box things up and clean; since really I am in essence cleaning around them but I am going to try and get this stuff done WAY before the party. I don't want Joel's mom and my mom to feel like they have to do everything to get us ready for the party...it is my house and I think that I can do it, and taking these baby steps to accomplish them has felt nice. My treat to myself if I can get this all done is to finish some crafty stuff, but only once the cleaning is done....go me!

Well here are some pictures I have taken...enjoy

.

edited: did I mention that we are having a party here for Lexi on Saturday and about 40 people are coming? No I don't think I did..now I think my post makes more sense.

I am done with Snow!!

2008-01-15T00:05:00.001-05:00

I am so sick of the snow, I think that the kids have had almost as many snow days as they have had days in school. I have run out of things to keep them busy...here is what I have resorted to...
that is right keep them in boxes. see how much fun she is having.....
so is Marx...see I told you I was a good mommy! Aren't you jealous? I give free advise and I will even watch your children for free...see I have a cage that I can keep yours in so it doesn't get away. Ahhh, aren't you as excited for spring as me?

Mothers...

2008-01-11T16:16:00.000-05:00

So about a year ago (ok maybe longer) I joined a mom's group at Meet*p.com. I was hoping to meet some other SAHMs and find some people that interested me and well were interested in some of the same things as me. At first it was slow going, I am not the best at making friends with ladies/girls. I am not sure why, it is just not something that I excel at (in high school and college I had very few girl friends...nothing like the movies).

Finally I think that the group of women I am with now (the group has changed, moved, grown and shrunk) is a great group. I went the other night with them to Barnes & No Books for coffee, a chat and ending up laughing til I almost peed my pants (literally!). It has been nice to meet some people who are so very different, but we all really get along so well. We got to B&N around 7ish and left around 10:30...and it flew by. I can't wait til we get together again...yeah friends. So nice to have a group of people to just be relaxed and fun with...ahhhh!

It's Primary time in NH!

2008-01-09T00:51:00.000-05:00

So the other day I got to go and exercise my right to vote and to have my voice heard. Often times it feels as though we don't matter, and that there is nothing that we can do.

For some reason I get all excited about this politics stuff. I am always so interested in why people vote the way they do, and what do they feel passionate about. Sadly some folks are just not into discussing their choices. I am not sure why? I am, as I said super excited about the day. I got to talk to Marx about who is running, why it is important and what the general process is all about. He was very excited, and both kids did the best they could while waiting for me to vote before work.

On our way out we got a McCain sticker for him and from my other favorite guy, Ron Paul, he got a copy of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence. He has asked both Joel and I to explain and read it to him...super cute, he understands none of it, but now says he is going to run for president and it is nice to remember that we do matter and our founding fathers would want us to remember...

WE hold these Truths to be self-evident, that all Men are created equal
that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable
Rights, among these are Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.
That to secure these Rights Governments are instituted among Men
deriving their just Powers from the Consent of the Governed
that when any Form of Government becomes destructive of these Ends
it is the Right of the People to alter or abolish it and to
institute a new Government.

We do matter. Our voices matter. And that there are times when action must be taken and when we can not sit back and let the powers that be tell us what matters. This is one of those times, I feel like we are in a very interesting, yet scary place in history. Our country is facing what most democracies face, challenge. I want our try at democracy to prove history wrong, I want our Country to be the first to stay true to what it means to be part of a democracy, and listen to us...let the people help to decide the fate of our Nation, not just the sounds of often double talking politicians.

I have read that portion of the Declaration of Independence a TON over the past few days and the words are powerful, they are stirring and well they reminded me that WE are a vital role in our government. It is not only a right, it is our duty to vote. We are what matters and our little voices when put together are really loud! I hope that everyone goes out and votes, I don't really care for who, I just hope that who ever you vote for; you know why, you know what you are trying to say and that the person you choose will do what you want. This is our country! And what a neat one it is.

Hello 2008!!!

2008-01-05T21:22:00.000-05:00

Well 2007 has left in a blur. I don't even know where the time has gone. I had all these expectations of myself with projects to finish, gifts to give, parties to go to, and plans to make. I know you are asking yourself...did she do it all? well no...and of course you know that, I am always late, always bite off more than I can chew, of course never admit it and never ask for help. So what does that give you...me with a very dirty house, a ton of half finished projects and gifts and way behind in well everything else.

So rather than say I am going to catch up this year, which is what I normally do and leaves me feeling a bit behind and always less than fantastic. So instead this year I am going to do what I can do...I am not going to get too upset with myself for what I don't accomplish, instead I am going to be happy with what I do accomplish. How refreshing for me, to be ok with what I have and what I have done. I mean that is never something I have been very good at, failure is something that frightens me and being unable to finish what I start is just as bad (kinda makes me feel like a liar). So I will freely admit that I still have 6 christmas presents to finish (wait maybe 8)...and I am ok with that. I am going to tackle them one at a time and eventually they will be done.

I have a circle journal that I have been doing with my SIL since 2005, I have been very embarrassed by this and have felt like it has been my fault and have been less than pleased with my scrapbooking ability and have never finished. Well I am going to finish it...I am going to add it to the group of projects I have to get done and when I have to urge to work on it, I will and actually I only have 3 very small additions to make and I can send it off (when I look @ it like that, well that is so much easier to swallow). So look out Joy it will be on its way very soon...here's to finishing it before 2009!

I am also going to try to apply this attitude to cleaning my house. I am a horrible house keeper and I can pretty much find anything ANYTHING else to do rather than clean my house. But I have been trying to just pick stuff up a little at a time, make minor improvements every where I go as I move around the house. For some reason it feels less like housework and more like just doing something on my way to somewhere else (isn't that silly) but doing this has really helped. I have finally been able to throw stuff away, I have finally unpacked the rest of the boxes from our move (over 2 years ago) and now the only thing left from the move is filing...and since the docs are so old now I don't think that I am going to, I think I am going to date them, close them and put them in the crawl space and just start with what I have for this year...ahhh see I am not behind ;)

Well I can just go on and on with things that we have been doing, again to catch you up...but I won't...here are some recent photos, of which hopefully you will see more of (I got a new lens for Christmas and have really been doing all that I can to take pictures everyday, and get better). So I leave with this....

grandma getting used to living in her new apt. in NH

Marx and his cousins get down in their striped awesomeness....

Marx learns to do the pie wedge before heading up the mountain

you are not being deceived that is me...on a MOUNTAIN! (no, no skiing)

those are indeed snow boots on Lexi, she went down the bunny slope for almost 2 hrs

look how big! and yes they do get along every once in a while.

We say goodbye to our neighborhood farmer

2007-12-07T14:48:00.001-05:00

Ever since we moved to our new house in Manchester, we have watched the man with the large farm house on the corner of a busy road and a highway, till the land, grow sunflowers and corn, care for his cows and pigs. Marx always wanted me to stop by and ask him about his farm and what he did there and if it was hard doing all by himself. And I of course said, sure one day, but today we are just too busy...sometime soon we will.

The other day we got a few inches of snow and when we all went to leave for work and school we found out that the bottom of our street and the cross street were closed. I asked the cop I saw how long the street would be closed he said he didn't know, which of course made me huff and away I drove.

Once it was time for me to ride home again later that day I noticed as I came up near our intersection that the farmhouse was gone and there was a large bulldozer sitting by the rubble of the house. There was yellow caution tape everywhere and I thought that maybe some of the pieces of wood from the house were burnt (they looked black). So I called Joel and he said he hadn't heard anything and that we should watch the news, we wondered about a fire and what happened to the farmer was he alright. Marx said he thought that the farmer was fine and that maybe his family wanted to build him a nicer place for his cows, pigs and horses. We said we would watch the news and let him know, well that did not happen...we forgot, busy with the dvr or some non-sense.

The next day as I drove by I noticed Orbit lock (a local locksmith) out trying to get into the farmer's car and then I saw all the red tape everywhere that said "Fire Investigation Unit- Do Not Cross". I called Joel and told him that the place had definitely burnt down and that is when Joel found this. We are all very sad. I know that I was not this man's friend and that he did not know that we even existed, but there is a sense of real loss. Marx has already asked who will take care of his animals, and who will grow the corn and the pretty sunflowers.

It is funny how people, places and things impact your daily life and you don't realize how much. I feel bad that this man will never know how much we admired him (85yrs old and we would watch him hand seed, hand till, walk thru his corn rows and check on them all by himself), he will never know how much he made us smile, (he grew super large sunflowers that always made us smile, he would drive his big tractors right down the busy street like we were the ones in his way cuz he was the busy one) and he will never know what intrigue and mystery he added to our lives (we always wondered about his big house and who lived with him, we wondered about all his animals and where did he sell his corn). Joel says we should go to his viewing and let his family know how we felt about him, but what pains me is I had over 2years to say it to the man himself and I took for granted that he would be there, now just seems too late. Like I would be telling the wrong people.

I should have taken Marx to talk to him, I should have stopped and asked about his land and what it was like to be the last farmer in a city (literally his farm land was cut in half by the highway, his house could be seen from the off ramp, and it was on the corner of two busy roads).

I know everyone says this but I need to be more diligent about telling people what they mean to me and really enjoying every second with people, you never want to take things for granted.

For anyone reading...thank you for reading and being a part of my life. Thank you for taking the time to care.

A new venture...

2007-11-29T16:04:00.000-05:00

So starting back in October our friend's son Jacob was accepted into Marx's school, Namaste Montessori School. He was given a scholarship and we are super excited for him. He is a great kid, but as with any child the more time you spend with them the more at home they feel and the more they test. Jacob is just like any normal kid, the only problem is that we really have no recourse for punishment when he misbehaves. I am hoping that this will be come less of an issue and the more that the boys are together the less interested they will both be in acting like idiots.

I am also hoping that all this really brings some good things to Jacob. I know that Marx has really benefited from the environment. So far I have seen a vast improvement in Jacob, he is becoming much more independent, less whiny and well he is finding his voice. I am super proud of him, now if only he would stop talking like his main goal is to go to the bathroom, and that all he wants to do is to get Marx in trouble it would be even better.

I think I have some cutie new pictures of the boys, we are taking Jacob every Wednesday night for a sleep over. I can tell you that Thursdays are my favorite day, Jacob sleeps in, so do I and the little man really finds his place in our house.

My only hope is that eventually Marx gets back to his even keeled self, all this change has really effected him, he is not his normal jovial, fun, polite self. We are trying to gently and not so gently to remind him of what the rules are and what we expect from him....so here is our journey...wish me luck!

EHM

2007-11-28T18:34:00.000-05:00

So the hottie Ty Pennington and his group of overpaid zealots came to town a few weeks ago. I am so NOT a fan of Extreme Home Makeover. I think that they overdue and can even ruin a neighborhood or even just a family.

About two weeks ago maybe three, I found out that EHM was coming to town and Carrabba's would be donating food and yes little old me...me...I would be serving. I was super excited. A local family that lost all they had during a flood on mother's day about 2 years ago. It was amazing to watch all the progress and how FAST everything went up. In one day I watched the workers put up pretty much all of the important exterior things (ie walls, insillation, fireplace, 1st, 2nd and yes even a 3rd floor). I was amazed at how much like worker bees or ants they were. It was a never ending stream of people carrying things, throwiung things it was a mad house. Once I get my pictures off of the hubby's computer I will post some for your enjoyment.

I was disappointed in the way the entire project was run...saddly volunteers ran almost everything and that ment that friends did what they wanted and the rest of us stood around. Anyway here is the post for today...Unil they next one.

Hello world

2007-11-27T13:07:00.000-05:00

well I am still without a computer of my own, but I have stolen this one from my hubby. I am going to use this until further notice.

I will try to breakup all the nonsense that has happened over the past few months. My grandma has been adapting well to her new setup. She was moved out of her house about 2 weeks ago now, I had a really hard time with it. I could not help with the dismantling, I just could not be there to do that to her or the house that has held so many of my fondest memories. I broke down a bunch, like snot coming out of my nose crying, especially once they moved her down here and I came home to find so many of my grandmothers possessions in my house even though she is not dead. It was a very surreal experience. I think that Joel and I have really changed from this experience. We have already began to discuss with his parents what we should do about them in the years to come, what would they like to have happen...because dealing with all this stuff once a decision MUST be made is too hard, everyone feels very strongly and no one is being rational...so hearts are harder to sooth and deal with.

On an upside, GG is fitting in great. She is so busy I never know what she is up to, but is hardly ever in her room. The place where she is now living has been keeping her so busy I don't know that she has time to even miss her friends or moving. The women in the facility are always eating and always running around, I am so tired with my life and when I think about hers I end up exhausted. I am hoping to go see her soon.

I will begin to post little by little until I am caught up in the madness that is my house/life/brain. Today has been nuts so I am off to unwind and maybe start to unpack from our vacation. *sigh*

sniffle sniffle

2007-10-25T20:44:00.000-05:00

I still am without computer...thank you joel for lending me one tonight. I feel like the universe is going on without me....soon soon my friends.

I have lots to report...
kids in school
extreme home makeover comes to town
funny marx
jacob comes to school
grandma gets ready to move

man are you going to read it all...I hope so...call write or sky write to my husband to please help me, please give me my new computer....

HELP!!!

2007-10-12T00:07:00.000-05:00

I am once again without a computer...I don't know what to do. Hopefully Joel will fix it for me this weekend so I can post some cute pix and talk about what has been going on. I hope to be back soon...wish me luck!!!

Old people and Cars...

2007-10-01T13:44:00.000-05:00

Well I guess the time comes in every one's life when you must accept that you have spent as much time on your own as you can and it is time to have others take care of you. I have seen my Grandma go thru a lot of emotions over the past 3 years as decisions about her have been made, often without her input and without her consent. Mortality is a constant at this age, and nothing but good memories and people and places you once enjoyed are all that seem to really matter. Grandma is 88 and will be 89 very soon, I always took for granted that she would always be around and now that she can no longer live by herself and we are getting ready to move her into an assisted living facility, I guess I have to think about mortality too.

I hope that I have all these plans figured out before my children need to make decisions for me. Not only is it hard on her but it has been hard to watch my mom, my uncles and well myself to deal with the emotions involved. I only hope that she adjusts well to her new house, and I can get over losing a large portion of my life.

On Oct. 20th we are going to my Grandma's house to begin to clear it out so we can sell it to pay for her assisted living. I didn't really have a stable home life, the only constant in my 32 years has been my Grandparents house in Newport...holidays, summers, birthdays, weddings, deaths, reunions, anniversary..you name it I did it with my family in Newport. I am mourning the loss not only for myself, but I always imagined my kids spending summers in Newport. And now they won't be able to, they will never know it like I did...the creamery, Thames street, the naval base, the wharf, the beaches....*sigh* I know it is selfish to think about this. But it seems like other people are grieving their own way and about very different things. Don't get me wrong, I will be glad when everything is settled, I am just weepy and sensitive about the loss...I'll keep posting her progress!

I believe you have met the "SOLDOUT" mobile? Well this lovely van is my mod-o-transport, and let me tell you I HATE minivans, but I live in mine. We spend a lot of time driving from here to there and everywhere in between. Friday was going to be a jam packed day. Marx was supposed to go to Mack's apple orchard with his class, I needed to do a bunch of other stuff.

We went to meet everyone at Marx's school and all travelled separately to the Orchard which in hindsight not such a good idea. I don't think that Marx's teacher knew how big the place was and didn't really tell anyone which field we were to go to, so me and a couple other parents ended up at the wrong orchard and had to pack up to move. I put both kids in the car and slammed the slider shut. I looked down and noticed that my index and middle fingers were closed in the door. I opened the slider and gave a pull and realized that while closing the slider the front door had slammed shut as well with my fingers inside. I got my fingers out to find the they were swollen to like 3x their normal size and my middle finger was turned the wrong direction. Needless to say I did my best not to curse (although I did) and although everyone laughs at my big cup of ice and diet coke, I at least had ice to put my hand in right after it happened. I would like to thank all the parents that helped me and a big shout out to Mack's and all the nice men who helped me!! Maybe later I will post a picture of the black thumb...you know you want to see it. ;) And just in case you were wondering no it is not broken, dislocated middle finger and bad bruising. UHHH!!! Why me.

How time flies!?!

2007-09-22T11:09:00.000-05:00

I can't believe that Sept. is almost over. How in the world did that happen? I feel like I am so far behind in everything that I try to do it is ridiculous. I still haven't even done my summer stuff, so I guess next year I will finish it.

The kids and I are starting to get used to the new schedule. It is taking a toll on Joel and I, our sleeping patterns are a mess, and getting up and out the house is a struggle some days. Lexi goes to school only 2 times a week, Monday and Wednesday, and it is only for a half day. So a lot of my morning was driving around. Thankfully Joel volunteered to drive both kids to school in the morning and I pick them up once school is done, it only makes sense trying to save gas and time for us all. I am becoming much more attached to my van and much more disgusted by the mess that follows in my wake.

It almost seems like I need to do some Mid-Year resolutions, although since the ones I make at the beginning of the year never stick why would I do it now? I don't know. But as a person who adores lists, palm pilots, planners and organizational stuff...I feel like it is a good idea.

1. I need to get up off my butt and clean. I can find any...and I do mean any excuse not to clean. But my house is begin to live...and I am not counting us or any of the animals we want here.

2. I have got to some sleep. I am not going to bed until 3am and then getting up briefly @ 7am and I nap until I go pick Marx and/or Lexi up from school. And then I will often take a nap, especially when I have to work at night...I just don't think I could make it until like 11-12am (when I get out of work) .

3. I need to get into life. I have been really doing well about doing things that make me happy, being crafty and reading and blogging and trying to stay connected to family and friends. But man it is tiring (see number 2)! So I have slacked off...and now I have no idea what is going on with people, it just goes to show how quickly life can get away and how little people notice absence. (did I ever mention I am an only child with self esteem issues? no well I am...working on that too ;) )

Well I don't want to get bogged down in my own list, I think I should start off small and work my way thru the bigger issues...right? And who wants me to be a downer all the time? no one, not even me!

One crazy week...

2007-09-10T12:07:00.000-05:00

We are all trying to get into the swing of the new schedule; work, school, cleaning etc... Lexi started going to a daycare program 2 days a week, she is so cute. She doesn't really understand what is going on, the first day she was fine with me leaving; kissed me goodbye and seemed content.

However today when I dropped her off she was not so into it, she clung to me and screamed when I put her down. As any good fat girl will tell you if you ply us with food we are much easier to control. And that is exactly what I did with her, I sat with her while she ate some of her breakfast and then she seemed ok with letting me go.

This has been much harder on me than I thought it would be. It was not easy with Marx because he was a baby and he had to go all day, but I made an effort to spend lunches and every extra second I could with him. For some reason it seemed easier. With Lexi, well it was harder, she seems to understand that I am leaving her but doesn't know why. She is so clingy now when I pick her up, she wants to cuddle and talk nonstop, like she wants to make up the time we lost together. It is cute but it also makes me sad.

Something that I didn't expect was for Marx to miss her so much. The first day she went we were gone before Marx got up, apparently he asked for her right away and was super upset she wasn't there. As a matter of fact he cuddled in bed with me for almost the entire 3 hours she was gone and asked every 20 minutes if we could go pick her up. I guess I should have prepared him better I just didn't think it would be a big deal for him. Even today when I picked him up from school he asked why Lexi wasn't in the car, and if we could go get her RIGHT NOW! So cute!!! Although I don't understand it since all he ever wants to do is play his new favorite game, punch face. Ahhhhh, children.

So sad when vacations end...

2007-08-29T07:45:00.000-05:00

The past week as been a blur of fun and work. We all went to VA for a week to visit family and help the in laws paint their house and set up their basement. There never seems to be enough time to get everything done that we want to.

Monday...that was the only day that we did pretty much nothing, all we ended up doing was going to dinner.

Tuesday...we were supposed to go to Kings Dominion, but the weather was kinda yucky so we decided instead to go to Chipotle and then we took the kids to see Underdog. Lexi and Marx were so cute, this was the first time we have gone to a movie and she did not move the entire time. She sat and watched, she evened laughed a few times when it was appropriate. Marx, of course, talked through the WHOLE thing. I don't think that boy can be quiet for more than a minute, well except when he is asleep and even then he sometimes talks.

Wednesday...that was cleaning day. We went to the in laws house and helped my mother in law to clean up her basement. We moved boxes, re boxed items, swept and vacuumed this giant basement. They are getting ready to have the electrical work finished and then drywall the entire thing which will give them about another 1500+ sq feet of living space. I was glad that we were able to help there is no need for the in laws to do all that work alone, they are just not healthy enough to pick up all that stuff, and knowing my father in law he would try and probably end up hurting himself. My fil is a great man, he is strong willed and often times he will go out of his way to get things done at the expense of his own body.
So after we finished that up the kids stayed the night with grammy and papa, so joel and I could go to dinner with my mom. I don't think that Joel and I have done much alone with other adults in a long time, it was nice to sit have a drink and talk, we tried not to talk about the kids.

Thursday...that was painting day. We arrived at the il's place and set to work painting the entry way, and installing a border in the kitchen. I thought it was going to take no time at all, but let me tell you what, it took me something close to 3 hours to paint a small entry way. The color was a beautiful rich red that looked beautiful, but was hard to paint. I put on two coats and fil still had to put on another one. Reds are like the hardest color to paint as far as I am concerned. I was glad to be done with it only because I felt like I had to make it perfect since it was someone else's house, I didn't want them to look at it and think that I did a crappy job it is somehow different in your own house.
After we finished we decided that we would go out with the in laws for dinner and my mom would watch the kids. It was nice each grandparent got to spend time with the kids and we enjoyed a great meal together. The in laws took us to a restaurant called Faang...just about the best Thai food I have ever had. I love duck but it is really hard to find a place that doesn't over cook it, this place served it perfect, just crispy enough with a wonderfully spicy sauce. Oh I couldn't get over how awesome it was, and then for desert we had mango and sticky rice...perfect ending to a perfect meal. If you are ever in Warrenton Va you have to check out Faang.

Friday....well that was KINGS DOMINION day!! We got to the park around 12pm and stayed until close, which we thought was 10pm but sadly was actually 8pm so we didn't get to ride a bunch of stuff that we wanted to. It was a blast to watch the little kids on the rides. Marx and Lexi really enjoyed themselves in the Nickelodeon Kidsville Park. We all ran through the waterworks that was set up to look like the old nick shows where they would spill green slim on people. Marx rode the Scooby-doo roller coaster, swings, drove cars (they had a Rugrats Toonpike, it had stop lights, stop signs and was set up like a little town and he really got to drive the car with no track!) Lexi was able to do some things like the swings, a boat that rocked (which she screamed while it was going just like the older girls on the ride ;) ), and some small car rides. Then we went over to the water park and the kids had a blast, they ran around these poles shooting water into the air or straight down. Surprisingly Lexi loved them, she even was brave enough to go thru the baby/toddler pool and climb up a structure and went down a slide. Marx was really good about the fact that he was too small to really go down any of the water slides but he didn't cry and was super about being told he was not tall enough.
While the big kids...Joel, Josh, Kevin and I went on the larger water slides. There was one ride that up to 4 people got onto a large blue raft and went down the slide together, there was however one catch...a 1000lb weight limit. Yeah we were pretty sure that they would not let us go down all at once, but WE DID! AND IT ROCKED!! At one point I actually thought Josh and Kevin were going to flip upside down on top of me...yes I am sure that we were either kissing the 1000lb mark or we were over it. Yes we love to live life on the edge...it was great!!! I can't wait to go back!

Saturday...seriously the hottest damn day in history. And my friends we had a 12:33pm tee time for my very first golfing experience. I was so excited until I realized that this might be what hell was like...dripping in sweat, angry family members all over the place, and me trying to hit an impossibly small ball with a giant club! ok it wasn't that bad, it was actually a lot of fun and I can't wait to do it again, which should be soon. I did very very badly, as a matter of fact by the last hole I couldn't even finish, my hands were so dang ole sweaty that the club was going farther than the ball for me. Oh well next time I hopefully will do better.

And then there was Sunday...the worst day ever, only because we had to leave. I never like for vacations to end and this was no exception.

As soon as I can I will edit this and add photos.

Look I've been tagged.

2007-08-15T20:39:00.000-05:00

I have been a long lurker on many blogs and I have seen many get "tagged" by another blogger to say things about themselves. And well you know since I have had my own blog I have thought about whether I would ever be tagged and what would I say if I was...well I GOT TAGGED! I know I know no big deal right? Well what do you say about yourself so that you don't completely freak out people (jk...kinda) or leave them wondering what the****? So here goes...

8 Things you don't know about me...

1. I love Iced Carmel Latte... I know you think, whatever, that is no big deal who cares!? But when I say love, I mean my day doesn't start right if I don't hit up the closest Dunkin' Doughnuts. I will think about it all morning and wonder about how will my day go without it? will I miss it in a little while? Should I just go get one so I won't think about it anymore? yeah I know crazy...I love iced Carmel lattes.

2. I don't have a lot of friends...I know shocking! You would think that someone as successful, funny, and what not as me would have a ton of friends. The problem is that I like people, but I don' t have time for stupidness or well, crap. So does that make me a bad friend? Well I don't know all I know is I would rather have a few really good friends that I can count on all the time, than a bunch of fair weather friends. If you are my friend I will be there whenever, for whatever or at whatever expense to me, otherwise I don't have time to pretend.

3. I like organizational tools, but am completely unorganized... I love to go to Target, OfficeMax, Staples or really anywhere and I look for things that will make my day easier. I love to sort things into piles, into baskets, into folders and the labels associated with that. So you would expect that my house would be neat, but no it's a mess. Sure I use what I buy, but well, those are only effective if you can get to them. Maybe one day.

4. I can't sleep without a blanket with Silkie...yes you are reading that right. I can't sleep without it (if you are unfamiliar, this is what the silkie, soft fabric around the edge of a blanket). There is just something about the silkie rubbing against my toes and face that puts me right to sleep. I am sure there are some deep dark issues I need to deal with.

5. I love to get my nails done...I have a hard time talking to people or feeling pretty about myself if my nails are not done. I am a hand talker and when my nails aren't done I feel like people are staring at my nails and wondering what sort of wild animal gets to dine on my nail beds.

6. I LOVE ICE CREAM!!!!...I will eat it almost everyday. I would eat it several times a day if I could, but Joel looks at me like a crazy person if I were to do that, and I would look like a house. I am already fat, I don't need to look like a moo moo wearing psycho.

7. I have a pen fetish...I will steal your pen quick as look at you. I think in my back bedroom are hundreds if not a thousand pens. Some work, some don't but each meant something to me at the time. I love the way some pens feel in your hand; steady, reassuring, heavy...some pens make your handwriting look fabulous; quirky, smooth, lively, fun...and some are just pretty and fun; what more do you say about that. Is that weird? I love pens...

8. Can you legally divorce your husband and marry a vacuum? I am so in love with my Dyson D17 animal it is not even funny. I am not a neat freak, but now that I have my Dyson I will vacuum several times a day...ok not really a day, but a week and I never did that before. As a matter of fact I have had to slow down because the staples in my carpet are coming out in some spots...suction, power, and caring for my house wouldn't you leave your hubby too?

Well thanks T. Budnik for the tag and hope you are all not too scared.

Mr. Funny!!!

2007-08-08T13:31:00.000-05:00

Marx: Hi lady
Lady @ Mcdonalds: Hi, aren't you cute. What is your name?
Marx: Marx...that's M...A...R...X.
Lady: Oh that's cute, and what is your sister's name?
Marx: Her name is Lexi.
Lady:Oh you guys are too cute, I am jealous!
Marx: Hi Jealous, it's nice to meet you.

HA HA HA...I almost peed my pants in line!

Me: Marx say thank you to the nice woman.
Marx: Bye Jealous, it was nice to meet you.
(daddy yelling back good bye to jealous also!)

2007-08-07T10:33:00.000-05:00

Yippie I am a Simpson! Well the only other option was that I am HUGE so look at me skinnier! And Joy I picked Santa's Little Helper just for you. Huh? what do you think?

Man....

2007-08-03T15:26:00.000-05:00

have you ever freaked out? yeah that would be me...I am overwhelmed lately and I am hoping that this will get better, I have asked for help from my family with some things and it appears that I am getting it. I am in turn going to try to remember to breathe. In the mean time here is something that I was working on...extremely frustrating, but finally done. I have this problem where what I see in my head is not what comes out in real life. So coming to terms with that difference is what is trying...hope you enjoy.

click above layout to see more.

the weight of...

2007-08-01T22:57:00.000-05:00

Have you ever had an emotion that weighed on you. I mean physically, you could feel the emotion baring down on your chest...making it hard to breathe? And you couldn't move for fear of breaking in half? Well that was me today when I realized that no matter how much I try I am completely inadequate at something I really like. I can no longer pretend that I am even enjoying it...I think that I have conned myself into believing that I am good enough...and well I am not. So now the really question is where to go from here...it saddens me because I feel hopeless. I know I know...I am a drama queen and there couldn't possibly be anything that horrible to make me feel like this. But some days it is the little things that hurt the most.

Swedish Wilco?

2007-07-31T14:14:00.000-05:00

Yeah I know...what am I talking about? Well I went to WilcoWorld.net and found under the news section this little thing, and I must say I find it haunting and just beautiful. I hope that you enjoy, this just happens to be my favorite Wilco song, I believe that you can click on the sidebar for lyrics.

Hey there crafty girl...

2007-07-29T22:49:00.001-05:00

the past few weeks have been a blur with party preparations, family visiting, my big boy turning 4 and lots of work. So this has been nice to find a few hours (I was going to say moments but that would be a lie ;) ) to scrapbook. I finally just decided to just go and do it, no more talking about doing something for myself, so in the past two days I have gotten two layouts done, and I have decided that I will lurk on two peas no more. So here are the two layouts I have done, they are super simple, and I like them. I might what to cover up my handwriting on the "happiness" one, but other than that I am really pleased. I tried some new stuff and I am just really glad that I am keeping this and I am going to send new pictures out for processing and try to get a few more done...well in the next few days before my darling hubby and children begin to attack me for clean clothes and dishes.

Happy Birthday Dear Marx!

2007-07-23T15:20:00.000-05:00

We had such a good time for Marx's birthday. On Friday Bma and GG showed up and we had lunch together and spent a jam packed day picking up items for his party. Don't worry we had ice cream and sang to him, since Friday was his actual birthday we made sure he felt special all day, even though we were severely busy. Later on in the day Grammy and Papa showed up with our friend Kaleb, and we went to La Carretta for dinner...although we had to wait for a long time the dinner was great and the kids did such a good job considering how late it was.

Saturday was the big party day and I think that it went well, I mean we were pretty much set up, did most of the cooking and what not while the party was going on, but that is what happens when you grill right? I should mention that the party would have been a disaster if Johnese had not done so much of the cooking, I had to clean and make capes and then spent the rest of the day running around and being the hostess. I think that everyone had a good time, I know I did, the only thing that I don't like is that I did not get a chance to take many photos, I mean I was literally running around, and sadly didn't get to eat until most of the guests were gone. So when I can I will post what I did take and hopefully I will get some from Papa...we shall see.

I can sew! I can sew!

2007-07-19T15:25:00.000-05:00

Approximately 3 years ago I got a sewing machine for Christmas. I had all these great big plans for me and my machine. I was going to be the next Martha Stewart, and I was going to fix broken outfits and I was going to make curtains and clothes and whatever! Well now I am officially all set with my machine. It is a go! I got it threaded, which was what I was worried about and now I am off and running...I am going to post pictures very soon so you can see it!

I know I did a descent job because Marx won't take it off. YEAH!!!

Working cuts into play time...

2007-07-16T12:49:00.000-05:00

So even though I posted my pictures for the rest the week of color I did not get to do anything extra, sadly I had to work all day Saturday and Sunday..boo hiss boo! I really enjoyed participating in this. I hope to do something like this again! fun fun fun...

Well I am now off to work on the house, play with the boy and get ready for the party...wish me luck!

YEAH MORE COLOR!

2007-07-13T14:25:00.000-05:00

So Friday is all about the orange...and I didn't realize how much orange is lurking around...take a step back you'll be surprised!
and what color day would be complete without something from Marx...

Thursday love aka white/brown/black

2007-07-12T12:53:00.000-05:00

So I am loving this week of color it has been so much fun I am really looking at my photos in a different way and thinking about what they look like graphically instead of just the content...which is usually my beautiful chilens. So I would like to just jump for color joy! so here is my thursday white/brown/black-ness...
I love that Marx has found a love for the camera I am thinking that we will get him one for his birthday, and I am really enjoying what the world looks like to him...you know "life at 4 feet tall"

Wednesday:GREEN and...

2007-07-11T15:25:00.000-05:00

a late Monday yellow
from the gardens around ben and jerry's ice cream factory.

And onto Wednesday...GREEN...as seen by Marx,
And as seen by me...what a difference. Hope you are enjoying your day of green.

I am coming in anyway!

2007-07-10T22:54:00.001-05:00

Well as I was wondering around flickr and various blogs that I lurk around but am too afraid to jump into I found this fun thing, a week of color...this time I just put my nose in and joined anyway...so here I am doing a color week with a new color in photos everyday. I missed Monday but here is Tuesday...blue..as seen by a young boy and his ever amazed mommy.
This is what happens when boys use the camera and find a bit of blue. I can't wait for tomorrow. Here are a few more places where you can find some color.
here
here
here

There once was a cool girl...

2007-07-06T09:28:00.000-05:00

well cool enough, and she met a super cute cool boy. They married and had two super cute kids, these kids are way cooler than their parents ever thought they could be. Well time past and the cool chick looked around and realized she had no friends or only a few and even less with kids. So she used the dang ol' internet and tried to meet other people like her, and tried to join.

One day the cool chick and even cooler son decided to have people come over to play, the super cool boy got up, got himself dressed, brushed his hair, and pulled his stool up to the door to wait for his "guests" to come over to play. He even picked out a cute dress for his sister so she would look nice and asked his mom to brush her hair so she would look pretty for their "guests".

But no guests came...the little cool boy played with his sister and every once in a while he would run up to the stool by the door, he would look out the window and say "still no guests mama", and mom replied "yes I know honey, you won't be too sad if no one comes will you?", and as any cool kid would say he said "no, that's ok".

But the once cool chick, pushed back her tears and thought"How do you tell your cool son that people aren't coming because mom doesn't play well with others?"

oh well...

edit: Well Jillian and her daughter Chloe came over a little later, but no one else. I am okay with that, the kids had fun and Jillian and I talked. It was nice to have an adult conversation (well sort of we did talk about our kids a lot) and have someone eat and drink what I had purchased. She also helped me fix the new umbrella we got for the patio set, and we set up the chair cushions. And children actually played on the swing set! I KNOW! IT IS DONE! YEAH! So I guess maybe I am not hopeless after all and maybe we will try it again.

I was right!

2007-07-02T12:55:00.000-05:00

This was the greatest week. I had so much fun.

As I said before we spent the first few days in Newport..we went to the beach, dinner and spent some fun time with GG Then on Wednesday Unkie K and his friends arrived and they hung out in Boston on Thursday..but Friday we headed up to VT to enjoy the Wilco show. We took our time and enjoyed the crazy ride as much as we could. I completely forgot that Kevin was bringing two friends and we didn't have enough seats in the van so Mike had to sit on a beach chair in the middle...yeah I know safety first.We went up to the Ben and Jerry's factory and did the tour and had some ice cream...but not before I got us a little lost. We ended up in a nice park in Waterbury over by the Green Mountain Coffee Museum and Outlet store.And played on a swing set...we had so much fun!

then we headed up to Shelburne and had a blast...I knew I liked Wilco but now I really dig them. I even dragged Kevin and Marx backstage, Kevin says he didn't care at all but I thought it would be funny! We said hello to a few of the band members and left. What are ya gonna do.

Here's to live music and a lot of fun!

I love the beach!

2007-06-28T10:28:00.000-05:00

counting by beach numbers

0 times sunscreen was put on my back
1 cheese burger
3 hot dogs
6 chicken strips
7lbs of fries
8 different kinds of snacks (chips cookies etc)
9 million gallons of salt water swallowed
and an infinite amount of: sand applied to our bodies, small sections of our bodies that the sunscreen did not stick too, and of course FUN!!!

I love going to the beach. I only wished my hubby had been able to go, then I would have been able to go swimming myself, oh well I guess we will just have to go again.

Do you feel like screaming?

2007-06-27T16:08:00.000-05:00

let's do it now!?!

do you feel better?

yeah me neither.

today has been one of those days where I think I have seriously lost my mind! My sons normally cutie voice is driving me over the edge and on more than one occasion today I have told him that I need him to leave me alone, just leave the room and not look back. Now to an adult you could expect a variety of reactions but pretty much all of them would have an end result of anger and they would leave you alone. But when you are 3 almost 4, this just seems like fuel/fodder to your never ending stream of conversation.

I completely forgot how much time the extra child requires, since Marx has been spending half his day at school I just blocked out the amount of time that he needs from me. I have been getting these fabulous questions from him, and they are getting more and more sophisticated as the days go on...these questions started out as where does the sky start? and have progressed to what is blood? where do babies come from?

Question: If you drop your children off at the local firehouse can you ever get them back?

Are you cinnamon buns?

2007-06-27T12:32:00.001-05:00

You bet your sweet ass!

I LOVE SUMMER!!!

2007-06-24T23:02:00.000-05:00

I am so excited about this week. I am telling you that I will be the person that VH1 says is having "The Best Week Ever"...it will be action packed and full of super fun! No you did not read that wrong. This will not be your average, run of the mill fun...I do mean SUPER FUN!

It all begins tomorrow I am going to pick up Tianna and we are heading straight to Newport, RI for some beach action. We are going to spend until Tuesday night soaking up the sun and GG fun...and unfortunately I have to have her back by Wednesday morning so we are going to leave after dinner and then I am going to spend Wednesday flexing my sewing skills.

Yup...I AM GOING TO SEW!!! Marx has decided he wants a Super Hero Party...so I am going to make little capes for his guests...I am hoping that they turn out well. I will keep you posted!

And then on Wednesday night Unkie K arrives with his friend so that on Friday we can head up to Shelburne on the Green and enjoy a fabulous night of Wilco. I can't even stand it!

So you see this is going to be the BEST WEEK EVER....well unless you are doing something better? what nothing? yeah that is what I thought bitch! ;)

This is your brain NOT on drugs!

2007-06-20T21:04:00.000-05:00

So after being on my meds for a while I asked my kind doctor to up the dosage since I still felt like I wanted to drop my kids off at the police or firestation and really take advantage of the "no questions asked" law. I was pretty excited because while I do occasionally enjoy being a mom, it can be pretty rewarding and the benefits (although not obvious to all) are pretty dang cool...watch out for old age kids you will be caring for mama! Anyway...soo the lovely doc upped the rx and wouldn't you know I turn into a sideshow freak. I gained 25lbs in 6 weeks (no I did not type that wrong)....and as you all are aware I don't need to put on any weight. I began to grind my teeth so much my jaw was in constant pain, I never slept (ok I didn't sleep at night, just if you left me sitting somewhere for 5 mins unattended, kind of embarrassing at the mall).
Well what is a gal to do? I know you're thinking that I am overreacting but just to check I went into the doctor's office to chat and they were also alarmed by my weight gain...and the fact that while I was in the office I tried to Homer Simpson strangle my boy, they decided to change drugs. The long and short of it is that I had to spend the last 2 weeks weening myself off the old meds so I can start the new ones...which will be tomorrow because I now believe that my mind is lost....you know the old saying "here is your brain on drugs" and the lady bangs up the kitchen? yeah I did that today WITHOUT the drugs...you know you need help when your child is screaming at you to please understand that they will find try harder to find their shoes and shirt if only would stop making that awful face and growling.
hold your breathe here comes the Wellbutrin...

Busy, but you would never know.

2007-06-15T13:38:00.000-05:00

Today was Marx's last day of school and Bma has travelled here to visit. It is nice to have her around, we have not seen her in a really long time, she has been here. So the past week has been spent on cleaning, cleaning, and yes you guessed it more cleaning!

so side note on the cleaning...I have found a new show, I am sure it is really an old show, but I love the BBC show How clean is your house? And I have a new respect for clean and a new disgust for dirt and my messy house. SO that being said I have been trying to clean everyday, and with my new vacuum, yes you guessed it a Dyson DC17 Animal (on sale for $439), I am attempting to overcome my messy ways and get neat! Wish me luck...

And my mom is in town like I said before, which means lots of running around and visiting family and sadly I still have to work. But today has been nice...Marx had his end of school ceremony with a play (caps for sale) and a double Decker ice cream truck (with free ice cream). And then we had lunch with my Uncle David before returning home, and now i have to get ready for work. I would like to spending my time uploading photos and doing fun fixes to them, but oh wait I can't...NO I can't not only do I not have time, but sadly this computer is dying. I feel like I am holding the hand of a dear friend while they take their last few breathes. Oh so sad!

So for now I am just going to be VERY wordy and hope that my lovely husband gets on the ball and helps me with a new computer...

Can I say that I hate my computer...

2007-06-12T12:55:00.000-05:00

I know that I should be glad that it has lasted this long. I mean the thing is about 7 years old and with the diligence of my good old hubby it has stayed in working order for what seems like forever. But now what I am trying to use it for, well it is just not liking it at all. I really wanted to post about Joel and his new doo, but the computer has decided not to recognize the usb, so no pictures and what is scarier is I don't know how to get the pictures that are still on here off. I am hoping Joel has a cure for that. I know he is not a computer genius, but I do know that he is savvy. SOOOO we shall see, and hopefully I will be able to post the pictures and get on with what I got to do!

So now I know...

2007-05-30T15:27:00.000-05:00

what all the hub-bub was about. I went in last night for dinner at my place of employment, and got no where in the fishing for details department. Well that is not entirely true, I did find out that a manager was mad about something that I did. So I was at least prepared for the shit to hit the fan. And I could let it go...although apparently I ground my teeth in my sleep last night, so badly I kept the hubby awake...sorry dear. Does that mean on some level I was still upset? Yeah probably I don't like to be wrong and I don't like to think that I am doing badly at anything. I am an only child...see I like to do things right, I am the only one doing them in my world.

So I went to this meeting today with my fabulous husband's advise ringing in my ears...

1. I don't need to be abused, verbally or emotionally. I can leave if I don't like the way the meeting is going.
2. Don't get emotional...that is what they are looking for. If and when you become emotional you are not using logic in your argument and you can lose sight of the goal.
3. It is just a job, not my career, this is supposed to be a part time job until I figure out what I want to do about my degree and finishing school.
4. Pretend you are arguing with me...just take my comments and get angrier...not sad or defensive.

And I tried very hard to keep that in mind. I went in, and listened to what they had to say. The first thing that they tried to do was to attack me personally, being very forceful and almost viciously attacking me. I stopped them and told them to change the way they were speaking to me or we were done. At first they said no and I explained that I would not have them attacking me using their bias from other employees against me. I explained that I came from a place with my own experiences and my own thoughts and it wasn't fair for me to say I knew exactly what they were thinking and I would appreciate them understanding the same about me. That seemed to calm them down. I tried to take responsibility for my errors, I hope. And I tried to let them know that why ever they thought I was out to screw things up for them, well that was not true. I am hoping that this will give them whatever they were looking for from me. I have told them before that I would help as often as I can. I told them that I would take on some responsibilities but only if they stop treating me like I am trying to get one over on them all the time. Because it is just not true. I am not out to do anything awful to them, I am not sure why people always feel that I am trying to undermine their authority. It has happened to me my whole life. I should be used to it by now, but I am still always amazed by people who still don't get me even though I think that they should.

So was that helpful? Did you get the gist of what happened, all while I spoke in generalities so as not to give away too much? Yeah I know fun...well thanks!

Do you ever wonder?

2007-05-29T15:44:00.000-05:00

Do you ever wonder how people react to you? I try not to think about it, because I am a nervous paranoid person anyway and if I had to think all the time about what people think of me then, well I would be a mess (hey I know you already think I am). However, I don't like confrontation and when it happens or I am anticipating it; that is the worst. Well I got a call today that I am needed by my managers for a meeting...no not tonight to put myself out of my imaginary misery...no it is tomorrow! So I get to spend all night and all morning wondering what in the world they could want with me. I am going to assume that it is not a good thing, I have already started looking for another job. I am sure that if it came down to it I could go get a job over at the other restaurant that we are associated with and I don't think it would be a problem, but I just don't want to deal with it (buying a new uniform, learning a new menu, meeting new people).
So I am grinding my teeth (literately) and freaking out about what it could be. I happen to work with people very much my junior and while some of them are very mature, others not so much and when I am around the not so mature I tend to wrapped up in the stupidness (you know the juvenile behavior). SO in summation I am thinking that my big mouth my have inadvertently gotten myself in trouble, see I don't often think that people will take me seriously and that everyone knows when I am joking. But maybe not. And I am not so shallow as to think that everyone has to like me, and I don't care to have them all like me, but I guess I could have said something that meant nothing to me and meant a whole lot more to someone else. But see there I go freaking out, I don't even know what they want, I mean they might want to tell me I am doing a great job and they appreciate everything that I am doing...why they would all need to be there I am not sure. So I will update tomorrow...fyi I am going to have dinner there tonight just in case it is my last time doing so, and maybe to see if I can pump people for information. At least so I can go back to my normal crazy thoughts...

Joy, I GET IT! and I am sorry!

2007-05-16T13:00:00.000-05:00

why do you ask? On our way to our fabulous Florida/Disney vaca Joy had to fly into VA first as most of the clan drove to FLA. During that fabulous flight Joy said that Journey decided to use that opportunity to poop thru her outfit (head to toe) and Jayden well peed everywhere. Now on an ordinary day this is hard but imagine it on a plane? I thought man that stinks and secretly thought "thank goodness that is not me". Well Joy, not on a plane, but in a restaurant and in a mall, two days in a row. Now I have more of an appreciation of the awfulness that you went thru on the plane, and I am sorry! I know that I should not have been embarrassed but can I tell you how stupid you feel walking from one side of the mall to the other with one child COVERED in poop, and one child LOUDLY asking you why "does Lexi smell? she pooped everywhere huh?" you would be amazed at how many people stare at you and openly talk about you when you are in the middle of yuckyness and how few people ask if you are ok or need help. So Joy this little post is for you, and to say yet again I am sorry and if I am ever near you and a poopy kid I am here to help.

I LOVE NIKON!

2007-05-08T13:52:00.000-05:00

Well this weekend I finally got my birthday present from Joel. I went to the Nikon School which was super for me. I am so pumped about my camera and photography I can't even stand it. I think that if I was allowed to I would stop working and spend my time taking pictures and that's it.

I should start by saying that the first class was an intro into digital photography, which was nice. They went over settings in the camera, white balance, aperture, fstop; which I am sure that everyone knows about but for me to have someone show me and walk me through step by step on my camera it was so nice! Finally I am feeling like I understand and I can actually use the information. One of the instructors, Bill Durrence, was very inspirational, he spoke with such passion about photography that it was contagious, I wanted to run right out and just shoot up a storm. He made sense and spoke in a way that was helpful and well sort of said the obvious but you know how sometimes you just need that pointed out. I am hoping that I will keep this enthusiasm for a while.

The second day was nice because it was from start to finish how to take a good RAW format photo including lighting and settings again. Then how to pick a good editing program and how to use it, how to calibrate your monitor so you are seeing colors right, how to properly print/email and finally how to archive the pictures. This days class was much more boring, I think I fell asleep at one point in my very uncomfortable chair. But I did learn some interesting things and I am glad I went....that said you have to check out Nikon's CaptureNX editing program for your digital Nikon, man was I impressed. It is cheaper than Photoshop and will probably do what I need it to do with less hassle. I stink at Photoshop, I guess you just need more practice, yet another thing to do to keep me from doing house work. I don't know about you, but that is always what I am looking for.

And to make housework seem even more like a pain and something I don't want to do this regular at the restuarant I work at is letting me borrow his 50mm and 105mm lenses. I am so excited...I think I need to run out and get a new card so I can just keep taking pictures and not have to worry about downloading them right away. Man do I pick expensive hobbies.

Well with all this send I can't wait to post some pictures on Flickr using my new knowledge let me know what you think.

Mother's Day Tea

2007-05-04T11:05:00.000-05:00

Marx's class had a mother's day tea today, can you say cute! I mean they made tea, lemonade, all kinds of food (chocolate covered strawberries, cake, cookies, quiches), and the best part is they sang songs and did poems. This is why you need video cameras. I was sure that on my way out my face was covered in mascara, but I was just covered in tears. I will post pictures later, and I need to figure out how to capture these moments better. OK I'm out

Where have you been?

2007-04-19T11:58:00.000-05:00

That would be traveling! For the past week my family has been in various states of travel. I will say that my kids and dogs did much better than I did. I am still extremely tired from whole experience. I think I could sleep all day today if someone would let me (we have been home since Tues. morning). Although it was definitely worth it! I really enjoyed our time in Kansas. For those of you who don't know the fam and I left Wed. night at like 12:30am (so technically it was Thursday am.) and we drove all night! Why you say wouldn't you just leave Thursday later on and take a nap or something? Well that does sound like that normal people would do, but we are not normal...no I am just kidding, we actually like to drive thru the night...the kids sleep, there is less traffic and this time we were trying to stay ahead of a major storm that was headed our way. The trip is long...I think I did a great job, I actually drove until 5am...that is a record, and the trip took us like 9 hours or maybe a little longer, but we were lucky to sleep the whole day away it was nice.

Our trip continued on Friday when we flew to Kansas, our kids did a great job, sadly mommy gets a little sensitive, I guess I just don't want to be THAT parent, you know the one with the screaming child...I know that that is what kids do, but still traveling is hard enough without screaming! They were only fussy and of course Marx was loud, but other than that great! We spent the next few days enjoying family in Kansas, when I can I will post the few pictures I took. Unfortunately I forgot to empty the card of Easter pics and was only able to take a few, I suppose I could have dumped them onto Joel's computer, but it only dawned on me now...so that really doesn't help me. So I only have a few pictures, plus when I did try to take pictures there were always other people taking photos and I felt like I was going to ruin their light, and I can always get copies from them anyway.

I really enjoy visiting family, it makes me miss them more and realize exactly how far away they are and how long it has been since we have seen each other. But I can never stress how nice it is
to be HOME!!! I love my bed, and I love my couch, I love my tv (cuz I can watch what I want ;) ) And there is no where to be, ok that is not true but a girl can pretend right?

Anyway I will come back with some photos and details on the trip!

Uno...dos...

2007-04-10T13:19:00.000-05:00

For the past few weeks Marx has been learning Spanish at his school, so frequently you will hear Marx singing his numbers in Spanish. And as I have said before Lexi is a little monkey...she sees Marx do, she does! Now mind you she barely speaks the English, but has decided to skip right on ahead and go with the Spanish. You will very often hear her talking to herself, or dolls, or her finger puppets (just her fingers closed with thumb on the bottom to make a puppet) saying" un...dos.." over and over...it is so cute! Now if we can just get her to ask for things in a way that doesn't involve screaming...maybe I will try to teach her Spanish instead she seems to enjoy it!

Who knew I loved AUCTIONS!!!

2007-04-06T14:00:00.000-05:00

So a local furniture store is going out of business and they have had public auctions almost everyday to get rid of the furniture that they still have. I have never been to an auction before and it was fun...loooong but fun. I put in for a few things and had to wait all night long, none of my items ever came up big bummer! But I did buy a matching set of lamps ($15 each), only one shade but I will contact the manufacturer and see if I can get another. And I won a 5 foot mirror with a black frame, that was the most expensive purchase it was $90 but I am sure that even at Target or one of home stores I would have paid just as much. I was pretty bummed that none of the items that I put a sale tag on came through, so when I went to pick my items the next day I convinced the auction company to let me pay the average of what the coffee and end table sets were going for the night before, which was $86 each, so I got to squeeze the furniture into the car and head off to work with my kids squished in the back, but at least I got them, and here is a pic of some of the stuff!
I am thinking that I might send a girl I work with over to the auction with some money of mine to pick up a twin mattress, a buffet for the dining room and maybe a sleeper sofa for the upstairs living room. I almost bought a 3 piece black leather sofa set (sofa, loveseat, chair) because the winning bid was $350 and that just seemed crazy! I don't really need it but I almost bought it because well why not for that price! I was so surprised at what some of the items went for, really when you walk around the furniture store you think to yourself and out loud to others I am sure, "wow $866 for a coffee table set, yeah I don't think so! I might pay like $200 or something." "Wow I wouldn't pay $5000 for that bedroom set, it just doesn't seem worth that" well at this auction you actually got to pay the price that things are worth! Some lucky devil got a 10inch King sized Tempurpedic mattress for like $1000 or less...those things are sell for almost $3000! So will I go to another auction? Heck yeah! But I will always go with a budget you can get carried away, and the auctioneer had to keep telling me to stop glaring at the other bidders, I of course pointed out that they should simply stop bidding against me. That goes for all of you out there...stop bidding against me! Don't make me glare at you...

Psst....

2007-04-03T11:58:00.000-05:00

So it seems as though all of a sudden Lexi has come alive. I know that parents say that when their kids are like 2-3 months and they start to do more than just sit around, eat, and sleep...but for me this is the best time so far with her. She is so funny...she sees her brother do something and she has to try too. We went out to breakfast the other day and Marx decided to whisper a secret in his dad's ear...so now Lexi is always trying to tell us secrets, usually she just whispers nonsense in your ear and smiles...it is so cute I don't even think I can stand it. And she has decided that she likes jewelry. Almost every day she tries to get into my jewelry, and just yesterday she touched my ring and said "i want"...which I of course had to tell her no...and the tears followed but almost like a light went on in her head, she touched her own finger and goes "I want" so I guess I have to get her a ring now don't I? I mean I can't refuse her! She is every inch a girl...she likes shoes, she has only a few pairs but has a definite opinion about which ones she wants to wear, even her clothes, she picks out her own and doesn't like it when I change the outfit...funny funny! When I get her a ring I will post a picture, because I am sure that I won't be able to get it off once she realizes that it is hers. ;)

Wilco my heart!

2007-04-02T12:53:00.000-05:00

Man every once in a while something happens that makes me think my kids are super cool, way cooler than I ever was at their age. Although to be honest this is usually after a period mad craziness with them. This period of craziness has involved Marx and his school. Joel and I got called in to his classroom for a conference because his behavior has not been very good. His teacher is really big on using peaceful voices, calm and happy messages and being well an all round easy going individual. Now we definitely appreciate what she is going for, but see our little Marx has got other plans. He has a loud voice, a lot say and sometimes he doesn't always do what she wants when she wants it and they way she wants it...that is Marx his own person! Now we are trying not to squash his personality but we need him to interact with people in a positive way. So we are working with her to use the terms she likes, the tone she likes and hopefully this will work. Now having said all this...to me Marx is incredible. He is like no other 3 year old I have ever met. He has an opinion about everything, even things he doesn't understand, he can be so very mean and very sweet in the same sentence and has the most amazing taste in music (which he likes the louder the better, his teacher claims she can hear our car coming from down the street). I don't even know how we ended up with this amazing boy! So is parenting what I thought? No! It is way more fun than I ever thought and way more complicated! I am hoping that we don't break him.

well I will leave with a few of Marx's current favorite songs....

The White Stripes...."7 Nation Army" "Blue Orchid"
Parliament..."mama I need some funk"
Foo Fighters...anything!
Wilco...thanks unkie k!

Healthy!

2007-03-30T13:25:00.000-05:00

So this is what it feels like to be healthy! I am so excited! I am still coughing, but as long as I am using my inhaler I am feeling 100% better. I seriously feel like I have not been participating in my life for the past month. I think I looked at Joel yesterday and I actually thought "Wow, how are you? What have you been up to lately?" because life has been moving on without me. My mom came to visit for the weekend and I worked or slept through the entire visit!!! Yes at every opportunity I have slept...for the past month! I think Joel thinks I don't love him anymore, I have spent a total of what two hours talking with him, not that I don't want to, but when given more than 5 minutes by myself I fall asleep! So today and yesterday have been wonderful, I am feeling so much better! I have to work tonight which stinks but I am looking forward to coming home and spending a few minutes talking with him and not being asleep or complaining about being sick! So here is to an April full of healthy happy fun!!!!

just something silly...

2007-03-22T13:04:00.000-05:00

Took a silly quiz and found out I am my favorite coffee. How fun! I love silly quizzes that mean nothing, but are supposed to give you some insight into who you are. Nothing like thinking a stranger can magically glean meaning from you life when you can't.

And right now I need any help I can get, my entire family is so sick it isn't even funny. I have had a cold now for a while, but it has escalated to a sinus infection and bronchitis. Joel and the kids all have fevers and sore throats, so it has been a pleasure to live here the past few weeks. I can't wait until all of this passes, although I have been sick for so long I am beginning to forget what healthy feels like. Well if I remember I plan to revel in the beauty of health!

SHE WALKS!!!

2007-03-16T20:41:00.000-05:00

She just stood up today and was yelling at me. So I came into the dining room and there she was just standing there staring at me and walked over to me...yup she WALKED!!! And she has been practicing all day..I will post pics tomorrow... what a cutie!

I am desperate for some Thursday love...

2007-03-15T12:51:00.000-05:00

and some flowers to put a smile on my face. I got these lovely flowers from my son who decided that mommy needed some flowers, he even had daddy put "flowers for mommy" on his grocery list. What a cutie. Love him, that kid is pretty special.

My children...

2007-03-12T13:35:00.000-05:00

crack me up. Although Lexi is still the laziest baby I have ever met; she WON'T walk and she even WON'T talk (except to Marx); she cracks me up. The two of them together are like an unstoppable pair, one with wit and mad verbal skills and the other, a sweet charmer to kiss and hug you to death. I am afraid of what they will do to us when they get older; so I am guessing that this is what your parents mean by "I hope you get one just like you"...well ha ha on you mom...I got two!

Yude never know...

2007-03-10T18:47:00.000-05:00

So as I am sure everyone in the universe does, I randomly read my blog just to see what I've posted and how crazy I sounded on a particular day, and I have noticed that if you didn't know me VERY VERY well you'd never know how freakin' funny I am...swear to ya. wouldn't lie. I mean come on this is the internet it's all true right? I mean if I didn't know me; and obviously on some days I must not if I have to read my own blog to catch up with myself; I would think that I am some sorry crazy ass woman off her rocker. And on some days that might be true but through it all I can make a person laugh...so I got to thinking (always a down fall in my life)...how can humor be translated thru a computer because a lot of my funny is my face. (no not just funny looking, I am a face maker)
I mean come on that's funny right? ok maybe more scary than funny. And no I don't make faces like that often, I was messin' the flash and well I am not a good foto taker/participator so here you have that...

wait a minute...I just reread the top line of my post...who invited the crazy lady again,
oh well so much for funny...I guess I'll just stick with crazy.

My new friend...

2007-03-09T17:47:00.000-05:00

the toilet...well that was my friend for the past few days...I can't even tell you how horrible I have felt the past few days. Joel had to take a day off of work to watch the kids because I couldn't even get out of bed yesterday, and today I still feel a little yucky, like if I eat too much I might end up visiting my friend the toilet again, yuck! I am hoping that this will pass since I am supposed to return to work on Sunday and if I feel like this I don't know that I will make it...UH thank god for Joel...

Now as part of my returning to work they want me to go to the doctor for a note, I am guessing so you don't use it as an excuse, but when you really are sick your doctor looks at you like you've, well lost your stinking mind (I am sorry you need a note that says WHAT? and WHY?) my employer is so obsessed with Norwalk and that we are not passing along any pesky bugs to our customers, which I can appreciate, but when you go to the doctor and try and explain that they think that you've lost your marbles. The only positive thing that has come out of it is that I got my prescription for zoloft again, we shall see if this helps my anger/anxiety issues. I am hoping that taking the meds again will at least just give me the second I need not to scream at my kids and/or attempt to ring their adorable little necks. Joel hates me on this stuff, he says that I am boring, but to me it is not a matter of boring it is a matter of not letting the inner voices take over and I go completely coo-coo. I know you see these parents that have nothing but glowing remarks about their kids, they have nothing but wonderful things to say about parenting, and I think "man I am doing something wrong, man I suck at this" or maybe they are just looking at the same situation differently and that is what I am hoping the meds will do this time, we shall see...I will keep you updated (whoever you might be my loyal single reader)

sigh

2007-03-05T10:51:00.000-05:00

Well I am finally feeling much better. I am no longer coughing up blood, yeah! I am still coughing, but hey, one step at a time right?

I just dropped off the car to be repaired and picked up a rental, can you say NICE? It is a Nissan Murano and I am in love, it drives so smooth, I always knew I liked it, but now I am in LOVE! Joel and I are thinking of our next car (even though that won't be for YEARS), and we are thinking of a crossover, some type of suv/van/car thingy with all-wheel drive, and enough room for the kids, that gets descent gas mileage and I think for once we are not going to center everything around our dogs, I know crazy that is what we have done for 10years now. So we will see what happens.

And I don't know if you can tell, but I am feeling much more relaxed, I had a great weekend, my mom was here and I made decent money at work and it is nice to not worry about everything to the point of distraction, I am hoping to hear from the loan representatives today. It would be so nice for it to just fall into place with no more tears or screaming, my throat and head can't handle anymore.

Well I am off to clean up the vomiting baby on the floor and get her redressed and get my day started.

***sigh***

Well when do you say "uncle"?

2007-03-01T13:27:00.000-05:00

Today I think is going to be that day for me. Yesterday was spent on the phone attempting to fix our loan issue, and I began to feel pretty run down. Last night I began to cough up blood, feel feverish and exhausted; I should probably go to the doctor, but I think I will wait it out one more day to see what happens. I am hoping that it will get better and not worse, I have a lot going on...work, house cleaning, jewelry party and mom is in town. I can't really slow down right now, but I am going to go ahead and try and give up control of some of this; I can't control what is going to happen with the major lender (I am hoping that it will be fixed easily but me worrying is not going to help); I can't control what is going on with my chest (if I don't feel better by tomorrow I will go to the doctor). So letting it go, well that has to be better than holding on and fretting.

So on to a more happy subject, it is Thursday and some Thursday love is coming your way. I am so grateful to have children and today I am having baby ponytail love...I mean look how stinking cute she is.
Those pigtails are ridiculous! I am so in love I can't stand it. See today is definitely going to get better. It has to.

Beware!

2007-02-28T17:09:00.000-05:00

This is not going to be one of those nice, happy posts. No I have spent so much time crying and being utterly depressed that I can't even pretend to smile and be ok with everything. See I feel like my life is falling apart. Right now we have had some major problems with our van, which are finally going to be repaired, and thankfully not at our expense (can I get a hell yeah for warranties?). However we did have to shell out about $500 just to get the mechanics to believe us that it wasn't the tires or the brakes (see no one would/could look past the minor problem to see the MUCH bigger one). So now the dealership believes us and has to fix

Both axles...yep you read that right...BOTH AXLES
Two engine mounts...apparently when they break it makes the engine twist and the car shake
Suspension/transmission mount...yeah seems like all the attaching pieces are not working.

Then there is the pesky home loan situation, it seems as though the major lender I was dealing with has completely lied to me about every step of the loan process. I am in a state of shock, disbelief and well anger about how this has happened to us. I take full responsibility for picking the lender, we had such a wonderful experience with them before, but this has been ridiculous. They lied about our rate, our payment, what loan product we had...they even misrepresented the appraisal that we had...I am hoping that the two women I spoke with today can get this straightened out, I really don't want a lawyer, I just want things to work out, I am sick of feeling like everything is such a chore, like everything is such hard work, I can't believe that not even the most simple of projects can turn into a fiasco (ie...renting a car to drive to Indiana).

Well I am going to grab my screaming baby from her nap, and try not to kill myself while I look at the mounting garbage and laundry, oh yeah and the housework that I have to get done. I will see you later and hope that the pounding in my head stops and the universe cuts me a break some time soon.

Tired...and Angery...well annoyed.

2007-02-20T13:37:00.000-05:00

Man I can't even tell you how tired I am. I have been working since Friday night...closing the bar or the restaurant. My feet are killing me and I think that my fuse is about "yeah big" which you can't see from here but it is really small...I think at some point in my life I had a husband, I haven't seen my daughter in so long that this morning she yelled when I picked her up she cried to her father and practically jumped out of my arms into his. Did it hurt my feelings? Well yes and no, yes I want her to want me, but I am so tired that, well Daddy can have her. Besides we are going to Goshen for a wedding, so I will have a few days with her and that fellow called Mr. Me.

I have so much jack to do before we go to this wedding I can't even stand it.

I just found out that our home equity loan is all jacked up, MUST FIX or kill Wells fargo...And when I say kill I mean I will freak out (ok already did) and I will call a lawyer, I will update as it unfolds.
Clean up the house, I should probably vacuum before we go, I have been working so much I haven't done that in forever, there are large fur balls roaming the house like tumbleweeds
Find a place to board the dogs, this is one of only a few times that we have no way to keep the dogs with us on our trip.
Pack, I suppose that we should take some clothes with us, although a naked weekend sounds like fun.
Pack, Yeah I should put it all in the van, and make it fun for us all.
Purchase a new flash, I am so excited about this one, I can't wait to try it out at the wedding, I will be posting pictures!

Did I mention that we are leaving Thursday night, I am working every night until then and I have to go to work for a meeting some time during the day? Yup life is fun!

Alright I am off to do laundry, don't wait up, but if you don't hear back from me then send help it means that the pile has fallen on me and I might need help.

Boy I needed a Thursday...

2007-02-15T21:22:00.000-05:00

Mostly for the "Things I love"...we have had a tough week in our house...

Lexi-Ear infection and pneumonia

Marx-Had his ear drum burst, now there is blood and puss oozing from his ear.

So I needed to find some things to love today so here is my entry for today's thursday lovin'

You can find more lovin' here and here. I hope your V'day was better than mine, I mean don't get me wrong I love being at home with my entire family. But I don't like being trapped (12" of snow) with two sick kids and a husband who was trying to work, so we couldn't bother him. I love romantic holidays don't you?!

Well here's to another week and hopefully I can move on to a more productive time. Maybe next week I will be able to discuss, without losing it, what has been going on at work, we will see.

messin' wit blogger

2007-02-12T17:12:00.000-05:00

So here I go trying out the new stuff...pretty interesting...we will see how it turns out, let me know what you think...

Life can be a very funny place

2007-02-09T10:23:00.000-05:00

So I have been trying to live on the edge...I have been trying to expand my horizons and get out in the universe. I joined a group that has you go on a bit of a scavenger hunt for photos about a topic and in the end you show in your town and life in photos. The latest adventure is funny signs, and got me to thinking that life is hilarious, I mean how can you not laugh when you drive by a sign like this...
Yup you are so reading that right...Dick "Tingle off", I guess when you are selling something as boring as insurance you need to spice it up. funny funny funny

huh...

2007-02-05T15:23:00.000-05:00

ever wander the earth and realize that there are people out there that you probably would like. There are people in the universe that think like you...then realize exactly how far away they really are. Well in spite of that, I am grateful for two things today....

1. the internet...I didn't do the laundry that is piling up around my ears because I kept jumping from blog to blog and realizing that there are some cool chicks out there..now how do you make internet friends?

2. a day off...I liked sitting on my ever expanding booty reading other peoples musings and laughing to myself...now all I need is a drink and this day would be perfect.

Actually what would make this day even better would be to instantly become a computer genius and use some the cool features on this blogger. Here's to instant knowledge!

new years ago-go

2007-01-31T11:06:00.000-05:00

Well here I am trying to do something about my New Years resolutions...I am getting out in the world...even the blogger world and trying something different check it out.